I survived the birthday.

Well everyone, I survived the birthday without any tears which was good for me. The issues are being single not getting older ! Anyway, wasn't too bad with the eating but wasn't as excellent as I could have been. Probably a touch of the emotional eating but woke this morning and pulled myself together and did the self-talk and reminded myself of the options I had:-

• Fat and miserable but can eat anything I want !
• Thin and fabulous and mentally great with planned treats.

The answer is always the same, I would rather be thinner. Anyway, today the water intake is dismal so I am needing to act on that and will do the Fast Track for the rest of this week. I have boxed away 2 pairs of pants and a pair of jeans, so that is a good feeling. I just have to remember that I cant have a wardrobe of clothes whilst I am losing weight, a few items that will get flogged to death is probably the wisest option. As a treat, I had a few glasses of my favourite wine - Rockford Alicante and as I had been limiting my alcohol intake it was enjoyable and a real treat. So I am glad that I have really worked on this, although I was always able to say no to a glass of wine - now sometimes when I go out I just don't drink and would rather plan the wine on special occasions. This is a quick post, I needed to get my thoughts down. Although I am a bit dissapointed that I wasnt more in control on the weekend - more the snacking in between meals was the issue - this is all a learning curve isn't it. I just have to remember that special occasions like birthdays, Easter or Christmas is not an excuse to blow the diet.

High Fives all round !

Drum roll please............another 1kg down this week.

Well it is 1.30 in the morning, I have been awake for an hour and can't sleep. Today is my birthday - so happy birthday to me !!! So far so good and I am not emotional. People seem to think that I am anxious about it due to the age thing, that honestly doesn't worry me, it is more the point of looking back at the last 12 months and realising not much has happened.

But onto more happier things. Had Friday off work so Gill and I went out to lunch which was great. Had my weigh in with Don my leader and Sharon happened to be there (another leader I know who has lost a huge amount of weight). She is one of the blogs I follow - although not updated much now due to being a leader but is one of the girls on a facebook group that we email each other daily. Got to my weigh in and the normal questions were asked, as with Weight Watchers at their Lifestyle Centres which are growing more popular each day it is about you and then the weekly topic is discussed. I came to the realisation that I hadn't had any issues this week and was happy and confident to say it was another "perfect" week. Even if the scales are not kind, if you can look yourself in the mirror and say I have been good - then it shouldn't worry how much the scales say you weigh, it eventually catches up. So the last two weeks (for me) have been good losses and I am aware that this week I need to make sure that all things are done perfectly as I am prepared that next weigh in may be small and chances of a gain -after all our bodies are strange things at times.

Don and I discussed the whole mindset thing. I honestly never understood how people lost large amounts of weight. I understand the theory of reducing your food intake, drinking water, tracking and exercising but that is not enough - simply if your mind is not switched on then the weight loss switch at times doesn't work too well as you cave into things when you could say no. I now say no more often, do self-talk and tell everyone (well except family at this point in time) and understand how totally different it is when you are ready to do it and your mind is where it should be.

I suppose as well, I am not embarrassed to sing my own praises as I put 100% into getting myself 50 kilos lighter and it takes effort. The road can be as simple or as hard as I make it. I choose to say that I enjoy it, which I do - experiment with the food and reward myself for all those good things I do - that includes NSV's - non scale victories.

Today I brought a Napolean Perdis lip gloss as a reward for all my NSV's this week and my weight loss, it is a luxury item and for me a reward.

Last week I just a moment where I realised all I had to do was lose 10 lots of 5kg. I use 5kgs, as do most people, as my mini goals. Therefore I only have 10 mini goals to achive - I said to Don today - thats easy. WTF !!!! You know, this is the change in me the most, the focus and determination and as I said to Tania tonight - that I am proud and will sing my own praises because after all if I don't - who will.

On a happier not my jeans and 2 pair of work pants that go with my suits are now unable to be worn to work - they are simply too big which is great. I have had the search for reasonably priced jeans but can't find any that I like the leg and of course can't find my preferred bootleg jeans. Previously my clothes or more to the point - pants were brought a little baggier and now the loss I have had really has made them unwearable.

Anyway, the plan is today to enjoy the day whatever it brings with the promise to myself that next year I am in a happier and better spot both weight wise but emotionally and physically. I have a bunch of cards to open but will do that in the morning - some contain my vouchers for my IPOD.

Hope everyone is doing well - Martine xx

A bit flat today

Hi everyone

I woke up a bit flat this morning, think the approaching birthday might have something to do with it and feel a bit emotional. Saying that, I still remain focused on all things WW so that hasn't been effected by this change in mood. I suppose we think at a certain time in our lives that our lives would be different and I am not exactly where I want to be. But I will pull myself out of this hole and remember my glass half full attitude. This is exactly why I must lose weight, I think sometimes my emotions get the better of me. I am fortunate to have adored friends and family but anyway enough of my drama. Anyway, I must get my act into gear and do some work............Martine xx

My Mojo is well and truly working !

Well ladies, it is 8.52pm on Wednesday night and thought I need to put a post on my blog. All going well since my last post. Yesterday was another great day with another NSV (non-scale victory) to post. As everyone in the entire world knows, I have insomnia and chronic insomnia at that. So from 11.50 pm to about 2.30am to about 3am is a time when I am most stressed as I am trying my damnest to get to sleep and that is when I want to eat. Last night at 1am I woke from my little 10 minute nap and was absolutely starving !!!! Anyway, it was all I could think about and what I did was trying to focus on what I want to achieve and how I am going to feel, look and emotionally and physically be like 50kgs lighter. I did some self talk and really asked myself why I felt like eating. The long and short of it was that I didn't eat and must admit that I was quite chuffed at myself this morning when I woke. Even if I do eat during the night it is always tracked and I thought my god, another non scale victory for me. The NSV's are becoming another valuable tool in my weight loss journey. My friend Tania is the one that made me aware that we put too much emphasis on the scales and the other things we do during a day are just as important. So for me, this was a major step as well I track my NSV's - a bit obsessive I know but I like the feeling of tracking them, that way if the scales are not good I can always look back at the NSV's. My birthday is Saturday which comes with alot of emotions. I don't give a toss that I am about to turn 46 as quite frankly I don't think that I look 46 and without sounding vain, there is nothing I can do about it but being single is hard, but I am lucky to have great and much loved friends. So with the birthday comes a bit of eating which starts Friday lunchtime - I have a RDO day off on Friday - Yippee. Gill and I are going to Panthai at the Pier Hotel for lunch which looks over the Glenelg Beach so I know that menu and will have something stir fried and I will ask for them to stir fry it in little or no oil and will indulge in a glass of wine or too and a latte after. Saturday (the birthday day) Joanne my loved loved bestie is coming over first thing in the morning as my parents live interstate - so I wake up solo and we will go for a coffee etc, lunch I am just having a green salad and a little protein and an apple and then dinner is at Lido at Holdfast Shores and I have looked at their menu and pre-planned what I may have. Sunday is breakfast in the city but that is pretty safe and a few poached eggs on toast and a couple of coffees is the go. I remain focused and have the view that I must stick to the program 100% and with that comes success and as each day goes by with perfectly tracked points, water drunk, NSV's and exercise the more confident and determine I am. My WI day is Friday at 5.20pm and I am hoping the scales record another good loss, I am not going to focus on an amount but just want to secure a loss. After all, I am realistic to know that just because you have had good week the scales don 't know you weigh in on Friday. Anyway, I just want to be able to look at my reflection in a window and not cringe, so for me the fact is I need to focus. The weather in Adelaide has been dismal with rain and lots of wind, the exercise is not happening and I am hoping next week allows me a few more walks. I have asked for Coles Myer Vouchers for my birthday from family and will put it towards my IPOD for the gym or when I walk instead of sensible things like new shoes for work. Must dash it is cold in my study. Martine xx

Thank god a decent loss

Well on Friday - my weigh in day I had a headache all day, obviously a tad nervous about weighing in. I knew that I had done all the right things again this week but with our bodies being complex things you never know how you are going to go. Luckily the scales were kind and I secured a 800 grams loss - for me this is a good loss.

I am amazed that this time around my weigh losses are a lot slower,but I have come to realise that there is nothing that can be done about it, constant losses and if I can maintain my average loss over the overall time frame to 500grams I am happy. The water is going great guns and have measured bottles planted in the fridge at home and make sure I have one with me at all times. My fruit intake is great and that is a NSV for me as I am not the world's best fruit eater. The weekend I did well, went to see my beautiful niece and nephews and took them a Mud Cake but just had a cappuccino at their place, no one even realised I hadnt eaten . I am not in the zone that I can tell family until I am well on the way, but all my friends and bloggers are aware and are of a support. I will deal with it when I am ready and am a good way down the road. As I have said before, with my insomnia my energy levels are quite low but i have noticed the last 3 weeks much more energy and this pleases me no end. If I can get my jobs done at home that I have been wanted to do that will make me feel quite happy. My focus this week is to keep doing what I am doing, I don't need to do anything more but throw in a few extra walks if the rain this week in Adelaide stops. Yesterday had lunch with Tania and Tina (from my blogs I follow and friends) had a meal out. W when we ordered we spoke to the Chef and asked for no mashed potato and a baked potato instead. Of course they didnt have a baked potato, but the Chef was close by and suggested Jasmine Rice with our lamb fillet and vegies. How easy is it ! The WW journey can be as easy or difficult as you want to make it. My issues and WW journey are different to Tania and Tina's as I am single, no kids and really am only responsible for myself and the world's best dog and have decided to focus on the WW road with everything I have, they have husbands, kids, dogs and a house to run. I can say no snacks in the house - but there is just me, for them they have kids but somehow us 3 support each other and just because our lives are different the issues with being overweight is just universal, whether you are young, old, male or female everyone overweight understands other peoples issues. If I have to turn down an invite - like the wine tasting tomorrow then I am happy to do it as weight loss is now my absolute priority. For example yesterday over our skinny Cappuccino's there was an after dinner mint, normally when I was on WW I would have ate that as I would have thought what the heck and not pointed it. I automatically gave it to Tina for her kids. Non Scale Victories like that are also put in my tracker as a reminder that it is not always scale orientated. My birthday is Saturday - a happy and somewhat confronting day for me. I don't give a toss about the age but being single is hard, I am determined that next birthday I am happier, smaller and well down in the double digits as I am sure there is a goddess inside Anyway, this week doing the same and I am sure that the scales will again be kind. Martine x

Another NSV for me

Well today is Thursday and I spent 3/4 of the night awake. I am hoping when I get to my goal weight that my insomnia is somewhat improved because at times it is quite debilitating. I woke this morning, and at 10.19am still am very tired and craved a Farmer's Union Iced coffee and Villi's donut ! But what was great was I was aware that I had these feeling due to being tired and talked myself through it and had my WW pointed breakfast. Another NSV (non scale victory) for me.

Last night did a big walk with my friend Gill. We talked about the WW process and although she is a size 10-12 and tries to understand what you need to do to lose weight, I tried to explain that pointed and watching your food and water intake is only one part of it, exercise must and should be an equally important part. As I am getting older and about to hit another birthday to make myself 46 years young, I realise that between the insomnia and age my weight loss might be a bit slower so really getting as much exercise in and building up the intensity is what is needed. I am accepting of this and what I need to do. I can't say I find WW all that hard and don't feel like I am going without. Of course I would love that piece of baked cheesecake or continental vanilla slice but don't crave it anymore and rather a really healthy and flavoursome meal I have made. Tomorrow is weigh in day with the dear Don and am hoping for big things. I know I have done all I can do this week and am hoping the scales are king. This weekend is a relatively quiet weekend,plan to see my niece and nephews on Saturday and do a lot of work at home earning bonus points plus the wonderdog and I will go for our walks. I am not walking tonight as I have a lot to do at home and consider if I am active at home I am doing the whole incidential exercise thing. Trish and Vic - thanks for the blog awards and I will do my blog awards later today. So overall I am pleased with how I am going, I am realistic enough to know that I cannot put my foot off the pedal and need to keep this focus not just for the interim but for life. I know to get to goal weight may take me 2 years, that is fine and as long as the scales are going down then I am happy. I am fortunate to have support from my online WW girls, the bloggers and friends. Martinex

Friday's weigh in was not fabulous

Hi everyone, I have been going to post this blog since Friday but somehow couldn't work out what to write. As you are aware as it was TOM on Friday I was concerned all week about a gain, had a good week points wise and drank my water etc so thought if I am going to gain it might only be 200-400grams and was surprised as all hell that it was 900 grams. I was a bit (alot) upset and luckily my leader Don is fabulous and talked me though it - he did say that I needed to focus that the week that TOM is due that I might have a gain. Anyway, Don the leader said this was a turning point in my journey. Well you know - it makes me all the more determined and I know by my clothes that I am losing weight. I rang Tania my friend and fellow WW for a little cry and she talked me through it and then I dusted myself off and got back into it. My theory was all I had to do was what I have been doing, eventually it will catch up and really I am sure the gain is purely and simply related to my period. This week the fighting spirit came about. I just got into it - have done my walks, drank my 2 litres of water and tracked like the devil and have been 200% brilliant. I am hoping for a 1.2kg plus weight loss this week and have even walked when I have been exhausted from my insomnia. Today I am tired but am walking my 75 mins with Gill tonight and tomorrow night. The food is good and I am anxious to get my gym program started which is not far way now from opening 15.10.09. realise to get this weight off I need to really dramatically increase the exercise - food alone is not enough. Anyway, this week I am expecting big things and if I am not rewarded with a big loss then it isn't without trying my absolute best and that is all I can ask of myself. Dinner on Sunday with Tina and Tania from WW - both girls are going fabulously so it will be nice to talk about how we are going, any problems and sharing the load. Martine xxx

Weigh in Day tomorrow

Well this has been a strange week. I weighed in on Friday and was annoyed to find I had gained 200 grams, which for me may as well been 2 kilograms as my weight loss is quite slow - but slow and steady wins the race. I know that I put my foot off the pedal slightly for a few days in that I didn't weigh my food or track but did for 3 of the 7 days which I have rewarded myself for those 3 days as previously I would have said I have blown that week and continued to do the wrong thing. What is funny, is that for me a bad week is not tracking or weighing food when previously it was compulsive binge eating. That is a step in the right direction I think. TOM has arrived today so I anticipate another week where there is a possibility I gain - I thought I had dealt quite well with last week's gain in that I didnt stew on it, but saying that I have been compulsively obsessively weighing myself on those damn scales. THEY ARE GOING TO BE PUT IN THE SHED as normally they are a helpful tool, in that they encourage me to do well or if the weight is up, and normally that is just body fluctuation then it makes me try harder but this week has been different- last night I weighed myself 3 times in a hour. This is not good. Anyway, TOM has arrived and I am hoping that I at least secure a 200gram loss and really most women do find their body fluctuates dramatically with TOM so I know it will catch up next week. Overall I have been good, the water has been excellent and although I am living in the toilet - much to the annoyance of my boss, the 2 litres a day are being drunk before I leave for the day. Food is going well and I have a dinner tonight with a friend of mine who goes out with a guy from the USA - actually the tour manager for the rock band Kiss - so we are going for Thai - I have told her (she is a size 6) and has the opposite lot of issues that I do - that I am on a diet and am watching my weight so will have for entree cold rolls and a seafood stir fry with a tiny scoop of rice. My walking partner Gill is back into the walking with me next week and I have been a bit slack with the exercise, so I am pleased to be counting the days down until my gym opens. I have started a plan of the classes I want to try - initially a Yoga class and a body step class, once I get a bit more experienced and fitness increased will try body pump plus want to do a hr of cardio 3 times a week, a class once a week and yoga on Sunday with one day off and perhaps allocate that day around my social schedule. Actually, I am quite excited about planning what I am going to do at the gym, previously when I have attended a gym I actually loved it - the only reason I stopped was because of a male !!! But this new gym is going to be a lot better, my friend Joanne will come along as well but she has different things she wants to do - but we both need to use the weights which I believe is good for increasing the metabolism and toning etc. The week ahead my challenge now that the water aspect is under control is my exericse - the plan is on Monday to Thursday walk with Gill for an hour and 15 minutes each night, get off the tram earlier and walk into work (am trying for 30 minutes) and a 30 minute walk at lunch time. I want to get 2kg loss next week- I know this is a high amount for me but I can do it - I might even fast track my food for the week. Anyway girls, enough of me - I can feel the weight coming off and know my stomach area which is my worst spot is changing shape. I am inspired by my beautiful friend Tania who has been my WW/Diet buddy/weight confidant for a long period, she is doing so well and something has clicked in her head, I do think I have done this too but I am not at the point with the exercise - in that I need to exercise alone at times - when I have to do a walk solo I actually avoid it - but this is changing and that is why I am investing in an IPOD. Anyway, I will post tomorrow - send me positive vibes. I think the food aspect is spot on, the water spot on, the tracking spot on and now the cruical part of this journey - EXERCISE. I am telling myself that EXERCISE EQUALS ENERGY and for me that doesn't sleep this is the key. Take care everyone. Martine xx

2.46pm on a Friday

Yayyyyyyy !!! It is 2.46pm on a Friday, not long to go till the weekend. The weather is fabulous outside and I am hoping that it continues that way so I can have a couple of good walks. My birthday is approaching, yes another !!! I have asked Josie (mum !!) to get me gift vouchers as I think that I might invest with my birthday money a IPOD as discussed previously. Last night did a long walk with Gill for 1 hr and 15 minutes, my left hip and groin area do incur a lot of pain towards the end so must go and see a physio to get it sorted. We have had 3 long walks this week so I am hoping that when I weigh in tonight that it will be good news. I haven't been bad but not fabulous so I think rightly so I may have a gain. I will be upset, of course we say we are not dictated by the scales but we are aren't we? If I am to get to goal and become a LTM of WW then I have to get to 71 kgs. This is doeable (is that a word??) and for the first time I can confidentially say that I think next year I will do that. Anyway, I am at work so I must get back and earn some money for my boss. Have a good weekend.

I am struggling this week

Hi everyone. I am struggling this week for some unknown reason, more to the point my sleeping is appalling. As you may or may not be aware I have chronic insomnia, which is annoying and quite debilitating at times. This week is one of them, as I have been so tired I haven't been my organised self so have gone over points and picked at food. I am sure I may gain on Friday which is devastating but my own fault. A lesson to be learned I say. I have had a couple of really long walk this week, one again last night and one today so hopefully with superb eating I may be able to secure a small loss, somehow I think that is wishful thinking. I weigh in with Don tomorrow night so will chat to him about it all, I think the key is to have meals in the freezer for night, some cereal at work for breakfast (if I sleep in late) and some frozen minestrone soup for lunch if for any of those meals I just cant be bothered. The insomnia is like mid week going out till 3.30am and wake to go to work at 6.30am but doing that 7 days a week - it is shocking. That is why I am determined and am sure that I will get to goal and I am hoping that this helps with my lack of sleep. Some of it is habit and that my brain is in overdrive, I over think too much. Anyway, enough of the doom and gloom. Yesterday was a good eating day, and today will be the same as will tomorrow etc. Will report in tomorrow on my loss.

My Weigh In Results are In

Well everyone, I am a happy camper. After last week's small loss of 200 grams I had put my heart and soul into my week, I am happy to say that I secured a loss of 1.4 kilograms. Yay for me. Don my leader was thrilled as well. It gives me an average of 500 grams a week - I am happy with that, if it is anything above that, well that is good. The water is going well, although yesterday I could have drunk more, so today I have spent the entire day on the toilet - which drives my boss crazy. This week's challenge is to keep up with the water and try and get some exercise in. Saturday my bestie friend and I walked to a beach front cafe, had lunch and walked home so the round trip for 60 minutes. Tonight Gill and I are walking as well so that is another 75 minutes of exercise. Anyway my lovelies, I am focused on the road ahead and just to keep going like I have been. Tania (my friend, WW and blogger) and I have been discussing how different this whole journey of losing weight is, when you are in the right headset. We definitely are. Anyway, I will keep you posted and am really focused for another good week.