It is time to stop feeling sorry for myself, dust myself off and get onto the task ahead

Well, what can I say. My last weigh in I gained 300 grams and was pure and simply devastated. Thinking that I would have lost at least a kilo. I suppose, being a Virgo one of my faults is that I simply put too much expectation on myself. I went into a downhill spiral from Wednesday to Monday and spent the long weekend in bed. I must admit to feeling unwell, extremely tired and teary. I do suffer slight depression and have been on anti depressants for some 10 months, they certainly help but saying that i think the weight is somehow connected to the depression. My hope is that once the weight comes off, my mental state will be good and the insomnia may ease a bit. On the outside, no one would know that I suffer from this, only a few close friends and my mother who is wonderfully supportive in this, because she does understand. Anyway, I ate all last week which of course made me more depressed. On Monday I didn't get out of bed. I suppose that is easy when you live by yourself, so Vince the wonderdog and I cuddled for most of the day. He is the love of my life. Tuesday morning I got up and got back into it and had a stern talking to myself in the shower which is the place I do all my thinking. Had a fabulous eating day, probably a little light on the points but overall great. Have really got into fish and had a huge green salad and fish with Moroccan Seasoning on it and really enjoyed it. A while ago, when seeing a dieticIan the main bit of advice she gave me was about protein. That if I have been eating badly to increase my protein as this will stablise the sugars. I didn't really eat sugary foods but more savory. When I eat badly I suffer from terrible itching, this is a side effect of hypoinsulemia and headaches and mood swings. There is a lesson in this. At 3.30am this morning I am in the bathroom rubbing tea tree oil on my skin as I was itching uncontrollably. A side effect of bad eating. The lessons I get from WW are:

1. Weight loss
2. Learning value lessons from my WW meetings to allow me to maintain my weight
3. Improving your mental state
4. Making exercise a valuable part of your day
5. The benefits of tracking, not just whilst losing weight
6. Support and friendship from online members, bloggers, meetings

So, it has been a step back this week but a valuable lesson really. This is a lifetime thing, not just about losing those 50 kilos but keeping them off. I am having a dinner party on Saturday night. I just love cooking and had fun looking through not only my WW cookbooks but also my Symply Too Good To Be True books but also all my other books as there are lots of recipes which are able to be incorporated in my food intake and some just with a little tweaking. On the website this week, there has been alot of talk about sensitivity re WW and self image. I carry around such issues and they are all to do with my weight. I know 50 kilos off I will be a happier and more vibrant person. When I find things are tough I have a few blogs from inspirational women who have lost so much weight that I am just in awe. Lisa is one that has lost such a huge amount of weight that I can believe someone can turn their live around so much. I believe (which is of course rubbish) that men find me invisible. I know I am very well groomed and do take are and pride in my appearance and know that I am a people person. The problem is that I dont see myself as others do. So, I have rambled enough. I didnt walk this morning, purely because in Adelaide it was far too hot but I am going to do the walking in the morning and enquire about aquaaerobics. Anyway, I feel back to my normal self and trying to just go with the flow and not put too much expectation on myself. My WW buddy is meeting me on Saturday at Colonades for a chat and my other WW buddy Tania and I have having dinner on the 11th. So I have wonderful women in my life that I can be totally honest with an they dont think I am weird. I believe the WW forums are such a good support when things are going downhill. Anyway, please send positive vibes my way and also I would love it if you could follow my blog and add your name as a follower. This does help me alot and is such a support.