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Adelaide , South Australia, Australia
I am 49 and heading for 50. This is about me, the highs and lows and a lot of stuff re weight loss, so follow me and see wha I am up to !!

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Wednesday, April 22, 2009

I am totally off track !! Confession time

Hi everyone, I know it has been a while. I don't know what has happened but I have been off the rails. I have had a few health issues and the latest being a cold which is still going on together with reducing my anti-depressant medication I seem to have just lost the plot and my emotions have been all over the place and have been doing the "woe is me" routine. I have been eating anything and everything lately, the more I eat the more I get depressed, the more I eat etc etc. I am back on the medication and going to my WW meeting tonight to get back on track. I am pleased to report that other than last week when my car was at the crash repairers I am still walking in the morning and that has helped me get up earlier on the weekends. On Saturday I was up at 7.30am - a minor miracle and started to get into some jobs. I have been an all or nothing girl. Either I am 100% good or I am 100% bad and then binge eating occurs. I have chatted to my darling friend Tania the other day and we have sorted some stuff out- I find that talking with friends a big help. Anyway, what is done is done and I need to just focus on the future. In the near future an old flame from Darwin is coming down - I always think of him so I am now inspired to really shed some weight for me - so that I can feel mentally positive. So today is the last day of me being bad. Funnily enough, I never intend to stop going to WW. I haven't been to my meetings for a while as my leader has been away or I have had stuff on so I must admit my lack of motivation is not helped by not attending meetings. I know I have gained probably 2-3 kgs but what is done is done. I am now walking to and from the tram stop in addition to my walk and where possible a quick walk at lunchtime. I know I need to keep increasing my exercise so that is something I need to work on. Why is it that when things get a little tough then the first thing we do is turn to food !!! I must admit I feel shocking. I am tired, bloated and self conscious, so I know getting back into the WW groove is a must. I know WW works and I just need to plan and focus on what I am trying to achieve. As must as I hate the whole concept of the biggest loser, I have of late been getting inspiration from the before and after photos and recently when they looked at their initial videos. An overweight person is a sad person. I know that mentally and physically I would be a happier person with 50 kgs off. NOW THERE IS NO EXCUSE. I need to focus on what I want to achieve. The choice is mine to be vibrant, healthy and happy or sad, fat and miserable. I whinge that men don't look at me. For what ever reason, this is how I feel. I know that weight is an issue, although we all can say that alot of men like a women with a few curves and quite a few of my friends have married lovely men and they have curves like me - but somehow I just dont attract them. Is it because I am not happy with myself - I think so. Therefore I need to be happy being Martine Marie Dally - owner of a wonderful dog, daughter, aunty, neice, legal secretary and this will and can happen with weight loss. I know I am more than a body and my weight doesnt define me as a person but I think society does. Therefore 50 kgs need to come off and I need to start focusing on the task ahead, being responsible for my own actions and being a master of my own destiny.


Tina said...

There are so many of us in the same position as you Martine. It is a struggle sometimes but it's how we cope with those struggles that counts.

I am struggling but after asking for help on my blog and the ww forums, I feel so much more in control and focussed on the journey ahead.

One thing that a 2 year lifetime member, Claire said to me has stuck in my mind.

I am still thinking of this as 'a diet' I need to get out of that mentallity and realise it is a lifetime change of eating habbits not a diet. The way we eat when we are out of control is not normal eating. We need normal.

Well done on writing it all down and moving forward. It's fantastic to hear you are still walking so much. Your fitness levels must be so much better.

Hang in there mate. It will all fall into place. Giving up is not an option!!

When are we going to catch up?

Tania said...

Yes you're all of those things and a great friend as well! As I said to you over Easter - use Kim's visit as your motivation, the temptation to turn to food will always be there, I think what gets easier is the allowance we give ourselves. So if things get to you and you seek comfort in food so what - just get straight back on track with the next meal.

I'm still struggling with the fact that i'm "allowed" to have a bad food a week, it's that diet mentality again. But as Tina said we need to lose the diet focus - I went out with friends on Friday night I have a coffee and a slice of banana caramel pie - loved every mouthful and it's the only bad thing i've eaten all week and i fully expect a loss tomorrow.

Catch up again soon.