Thank god I have tomorrow off

Well, tomorrow I am not at work as I have to madly run around and get a list of jobs done, tomorrow is my RDO - THANK GOD. Mum's 70th birthday celebrations are getting organised, I am halfway through my speech and once I get Dad's present for Mum or more to the point come up with a scathingly good present i should be feeling more settled. Have not got a WW meeting this week, which just bloody annoys me, so going to my normal one on Saturday - there will be a gain and with my period due it will be a double whammy but what is important is that I am desperate to go and get on those scales. Since my start at this meeting I haven't gained, so this is a first gain but I find the occasional gain is good, in that is makes you think. I must admit that everything will fall into place a little better once I am weighed. I am meeting a guy at the gym tomorrow at 7am for a re-working of my weights program, he is a little young but I will go with an open mind, next time I need my weights program reviewed, I may go for someone a little more experienced but certainly the weights program needs to be implemented. I woke up this morning with the world's best dog asleep near me with his paw on my arm, he brings such joy to my life and so he is going to the groomers on Saturday (he won't be impressed) and they will make him even more handsome than he already is. Anyway, not a lot to tell really - I am looking forward to Saturday when I get to weigh in, will have the new weights program and will track. I read a blog today of a lady in the USA (bitchcakes) and she got to goal, this woman is a unique woman and apparently when she got on those scales she cried when her goal weight arrived. Hers is a story of patience and persistence, she certainly didnt average 500 grams per week, but what is important is that she persevered. I suppose like her as she appreciates the road she has undergone, I suppose I am the same. Ideally I would like to be at goal weight in the next few years but as long as the scales are relatively kind and I am tracking, exercising and counting my points then I am happy with that. I suppose my theory is that, at least I am doing something. At least I am at the gym when I have had little or no sleep, I have drunk my water and attempted to eat my food and cut out the sugar. I know a lot of people that do no exercise. Overall, I am in a little spot where I want to hibinate a bit, this mainly is due to Winter but what is good is that it will allow me to spend some time getting back into my routine with food and the gym - now my foot is back to normal, although it is still giving me a bit of grief, I have to save for some orthotics - at present there are too many other bills to pay. Hope everyone is doing well, just try to be kind to yourself, don't put yourself under too much pressure. Martine xx

THIS IS WHERE I AM

Well since my last update, my parents have arrived back from their visit to Darwin and went home on Saturday. They wanted to spend Saturday morning with me, so consequently I didn’t get to WW which annoys me. I am yet to address my parents re the weight thing and WW and it something I need to do, so I haven’t been for a few weeks.

I haven’t been good, I confess to that, but what is good is that I am anxious to get back to my WW meetings and focus on what I need to do. I am planning to search the internet tonight to try and find a meeting I can weigh in, my period is due as well so it is a double whammy, but saying that I find the weigh in process great, either you have gained and it is a reminder to pull your head in, or it is a loss and it reminds you that you are doing the right thing.

The foot has healed, so that is bonus and the tenderness has gone, so I am pleased to say that I have been given the all clear to go back to the gym. Yes she cried ! Everything falls into place when I go to the gym.

I feel a bit out of routine, I don’t like that and am search at present for some cheap meals I can make this pay, there are just some weeks where there are more bills than what I get paid. The joy of it all.

Mentally I am doing fine, I know I have been eating wrong, i will cop it on the chin and it gets down to the sugar. Once you get a taste for it, the sugar takes hold, I am planning some high protein meals and that usually curbs those feelings pretty quickly as well as green tea. Now with the green tea I am not sure why but it works. So I am going to try and find a meeting tonight, face the music and then on Saturday work on getting a loss.

Luckily Tania and Tina are going to WW, so it is helpful we are doing it together. I need to speak to those girls about a challenge.

Masterchef is over for another year, in a way it is good because now I might be able to get some jobs done at home, that show is far too addictive, although I think it is great as it encourages cooking in the home. I must admit that cooking is my relaxing spot, a place where I am at peace and nothing gives me more pleasure in.

So there you are, overall the weekend was quite and sometimes you need a bit of quite time. Will report in on the gain tomorrow.

Finally and update ! I am slack I know

I know I have been missing in action, so much has happened I don’t quite know what to say, plus work is busy and that is normally when I post on my blog.

I simply need to organise my time better !!!

Firstly will do the personal stuff first, the weight stuff will be later.

Since my last post the good old depression has made a comeback. I must admit that going off the anti depressants worked for a while in conjunction with food and exercise, but so much has happened that I found that I was spending the weekends in bed asleep. I realised that I needed to be on them and stay on them. I think it is the shame of them that gets me, but really if I needed blood pressure tablets then I would take them etc. So have gone back on them and plan to stay back on them, quite frankly the put peace into my life and I also don’t walk around feeling sorry for myself.

Since my last post my Nana passed away, I was close to her and as Dad was an only child, she specifically wanted a private funeral. She went quickly over a two week period and I am thankful that at Christmas I had the “death talk” with her. My Nana had suffered with mental illness her whole life, I am thankful she is at peace now and I got to say to her how I feel. Although it does make you think about losing your own parents, a grandparent is hard enough and being single always makes this a lot harder to bear, hopefully mine are around for a while yet.

The friends with benefits situation is still off, Michael and I miss each other and speak occasionally, he misses me and I miss him but at the end of the day I deserve commitment and more. Just because things are good in the bedroom it doesn’t mean that I should hang around. I know I have made the right choice and need to open up the universe to someone that really wants to be with me and I deserve some one that is willing to try for my sake.

Two weeks ago, I stepped on a glass and ended up with blood everywhere, I had broken a glass and thought I picked it all up but didn’t have my glasses on. Anyway I stepped on the broken glass, blood absolutely everywhere, so drove myself down to the medical centre at the end of the street, had two needs in the foot which was horrific and then 5 stitches which were on the ball of my foot and as a consequence couldn’t wear a shoe except for an ugg boot to work. Not fun, the needle they gave me really hurt, normally I am quite good with needles. The stitches came out on Thursday and the wound area was quite tender, but it is improving and I anticipate being able to go back to the gym at the end of the week. The doctor wanted me to keep off it a bit.

With the gym it has been two steps forward and one step back. I was in a great routine and the foot thing happened, it seems like at the present time it is my back, going away, death etc that is stopping me. I am going to pray that nothing else happens.

Now with the weight. As you knew I was going to WW Lifestyle Centres, love my leader but the time and day were not working with work and as I work in a busy law firm, I don’t always get out at lunch.

I decided to go back to meeting, I found I needed the support. So I went back and decided that it was the right decision. I for one am a huge believer in WW, I think the program works if you stick with it and it does have the flexibility of being able to fit into my life. So far 3.3 kgs off, that is, with going away to Melbourne. I have not been for 2 weeks due the foot and have to admit my eating is appalling. This is what happens when I don’t exercise. I find that when I exercise the focus is on the exercise and the food seems to fall into place.

I am happy with my decision to go back, I think it is right for me.

Saturdays are always busy but I find that 9am on a Saturday morning is good.

Although when I go this Saturday I will gain I am confident that I am fairly relaxed about the whole thing. I realise now that joining the gym in November was the best thing I could have done. I realised that walking wasn't enough and how far I could push myself at the gym. Anyway, I am hoping next week I am back to my routine. Once I exercise the focus does go on that and I am more relaxed with the eating.

Brought a new journal to start tracking my food and thoughts and notes in it, although I like the practice of online tracking, as well it is good to make some notes on feelings, achievements etc and look back on it.

My dear friends Tania and Tina re-joined WW on Tuesday. The three of us have joined multiple times before but are sympathetic and understanding to each other, I am quite excited these beautiful girls are recommencing WW. Together we have a great support system in place. I will go to WW on Saturday morning, expecting a large gain – I simply have overloaded with sugar. Although the key to curbing this craving is increasing the protein.

Therefore, on Saturday all things hopefully will be back to normal, the foot although tender has healed and the wound is hardening up so able to go to the gym. The plan is WW on Saturday, a session at the gym and home to work out the weekly food intake.

So this is about where I have been. My emails are home have not been looked at for a while, so those wonderful girls that have emailed me, I plan to spend Saturday night sorting, replying to the emails.

It gives me great comfort that I have so many wonderful people that read my blog and that bother to email me. I promise to update my blog daily and response to emails. I suppose the wonder of antidepressants is that they make my life a happier place, thankfully they have kicked in and I am much more in control.