About Me

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Adelaide , South Australia, Australia
I am 49 and heading for 50. This is about me, the highs and lows and a lot of stuff re weight loss, so follow me and see wha I am up to !!

The wonderful people that follow and support me !

Monday, September 28, 2009

Time to just focus a little harder

Well went to my weigh in on Friday and gained 600 grams. I can't put in writing how I felt but was bloody mad at the scales and myself. I know I am not defined by the scales but I do have to get to 71 kgs to get to goal and it doesnt matter how many NSV's I do, the point is I need to make those scales move. It is a combo of various things, my state of mind, not eating enough and no exercise at all.
Don my leader wants me to to fast track this week. It has been hard Friday night, Sat and Sunday has I have had functions on and threw caution to the wind and ate and drank too much. Today I have worken up a bit later as I am on holidays and got back into the groove with the food, and once the weather clears I am hoping this afternoon to take Vince the dog for a walk with me. With the lack of exercise waiting for my gym to be built is not a good enough excuse but saying that November can't come soon enough. With the exercise plan I don't want to go like a bull at a gate, next week when back at work what I plan to do this week is walk with Vince when I get home and catch an early tram in the morning and walk into work from Greenhill Road initially which is about a 20 minute walk and then get off stops earlier until I can walk in for 30 minutes plus I might try to do a lunchtime walk as well. I have an old pedometre around the place so might use that as a goal setting tool.
On previous posts I have had a few comments that I put too much pressure on myself by setting myself the challenge of being 100% focussed on this WW journey. I realise that I think that I am right in my views and thinking that 100% committment is what sets me for consistent losses. So from now on I am going to do what is right for me and just focus on this 100%. After all the WW program is not hard and I believe I can have quite a good variety of foods on it.
Saturday went on a blind date from the Oasis Active site. I fail to see how anybody meets men online, although I do know a few women that have. It turns out that the guy I meet is someone the crossed my path 20 years ago, I actually accompanied a male friend to his wedding. I am fussy with grooming and take pride in my appearance and accept that not everyone is like this but I do expect a bit of effort so that was a minus and then he put the hard word on me and really wasnt my type - why is it that the men you like never like you but the men that like you fail to rock your world.
Went to my doctor about my depression and back on the anti-depressants which I think is going to help my mental state and focus. I have a lump/enlarged gland on my neck which we have had ultra sounds on and monitoring. It has grown a bit bigger from my last appointment when it was actually smaller so I am off to the specialist to do a biopsy and look at it.
Hoping to go and buy from IPOD next week so if anyone has any great podcasts I might like can you put a post on my blog. That is going to help me with my WW journey.
So this week I am spring cleaning so hopefully burning off those calories. So today is the beginning for me and I am pleased that I have woken with some focus. The thing we all must remember is that it is about the journey and that you have not given up. I have set myself a challenge of 5 losses in a row and will buy myself something as a reward - so it is out there. I want to be 6 kgs lighter by Christmas and that is doeable.
I plan in the next month to set up a link to a recipe blog that will also have ideas for home handy hints and a variety of things and subjects - gives me something to do at 2am. I just have to find a good name for it.

Monday, September 21, 2009

The miseries - luckily not weight related

Well the weekend has been and gone and I spent a good part of it under the covers in bed with the world's best dog cuddle up beside me feeling sorry for myself. Luckily, none of this is weight related. Over the years and with the increase in my weight I have suffered mild depression and I know I am not the only one. Many peoples blogs I follow, friends and family suffer from this but it is hard to accept that you have this. I always feel I should be strong and again comparing myself to others doesn't help - some people seem to just cope and not be so emotional. I wish !! During the early stages of my WW journey and as work was going well I decided that I was doing so well that I could wean myself off the anti depressants "happy pills" . For months and months I have been perfectly fine but the last 3 weeks have been a struggle mentally. First comes the woe is me attitude, then comes the wishing you were dead (but I would never do anything so don't worry) and then comes the spending days in bed crying. Enough is enough and I am making an appt to see my GP and go back on my antidepressants. I note my anxiety levels are higher than normal - luckily it is not work related I adore my job and although there are going to be some changes I would prefer not to happen I know I can deal with them better with the help of medication. Although at work I am always happy and bright and never tell anyone there what is happening. Sunday although I spent in bed all day, I over ate - I know I did this and the damage is done. Today is another day and I hoping to go home and tidy up a bit and cook a lovely dinner and write down 5 things about my life I like and put that on the fridge. My life may not be how I want it but it is the only l ife I have so I need to just stop this being silly and start thinking a bit more positive. As far as WW goes, all going well and quite easy really - meeting Don for my WI on Fridays is the highlight of my week. So don't worry about me, I just need to write this down to get it out - that always helps. I have just come back from lunch and had a great lunch and realise that with the help of medication the anxiety and trying to please and be perfect is eleviated. Martine xx

Saturday, September 19, 2009

Another Loss and some pictures of my best buddies

Here is a photo of my best mates. Joanne my absolute best friend who is always there for me, my lovely friend Kath who always gives me a compliment every time I see her and Ron who is Jo's husband and like another girlfriend- I am blessed to have these three people in my life. For them the weight is never an issue and always support me. As my family are interstate these gorgeous people and I went out. I know we all have friends like these in our lives. Jo and Kath are just such outstanding people and I am just so blessed that they are there for me 200%.
Good news on the weight loss front. As Don my leader has banned all scales from my house and not a bad thing I must say I have to rely on what food I eat, my water intake and how much exercise I have done and go by my tracker. This week has been so so and althought I have been reasonable there is always room for improvement. I have been slack with the fruit and that is my goal for this week is to eat 2 fruit a day. Water is now okay and so I manage about 1.5 to 2 litres a day. Exercise - note to self.........need for improvement.
I had felt flat this week and had some changes at work which are probably a good thing but until they happen and I am taking on a new solicitor in conjunction with my boss it is always the anticipation that causes me grief and as money was tight I felt just a little off and spent a few nights at home in bed, I do think I picked up a bit of a virus though. Anyway, tracked even when I was bad and low and behold a 1.1 loss which I am happy about. I ADORE weighing in on a Friday night as it does keep me really good on the weekend. There is something therapeutic about weighing in. It means for me the end of the week and with a loss a reward for that effort and if it is a gain it just means the start of a new week.
My Leader last week said just aim for 100 grams this week and that is what I did and it does help. We chatted about a few comments I had about perhaps being too hard on myself and comparing myself to others. My view is and will remain is that successful weight loss ladies (and men) who lose remarkable amounts are people that I can learn from . My view is that if I stick to the program I will eventually get to my WW goal of 71 kgs, fluffing around and straying isnt going to get me there. I suppose after all everyone is different, I do put pressure on myself but I like that, when I have have had a good week it is worth it. Of course this is all a learning curve and as I discussed with Don my leader WW really is user friendly and I am able to eat out or entertain easily and within my points.
I can feel a few tops getting looser and have a Postie top that I have never liked because of how it feels, I think it is a just a bit firm so I have taken every now and again to trying it on and seeing the difference as a lot of my clothes have previously been brought larger than I have needed. I know have to learn to buy my clothes a bit firm so that I can gauge when I am at goal how I am going without the scales.
So this week is another week and I am focused on what I need to do to keep the momentum going. My goals this week is to walk 3 times this week and eat 2 pieces of fruit each day. This is achieveable.

Thursday, September 10, 2009

Struggling this week. Perhaps I needed to weigh

Well thinking that the No Weigh Pass was a good idea - now I am not sure. I have struggled this week and for some reason have snacked more t han I should, with TOM due tomorrow I am sure that as per my normal cycle I gain when my period is due. I am fine with the fact that this occurs. I thinking going on those scales is what I need. It does do my head in, I do go a bit mad, I do over analyse it but saying that it does make you accountable.
The lack, of children or a meaningful relationship has always caused me grief - whether I am right or wrong, thanks to my mother I have always put my lack of male attention down to being overweight. I know, I know, this is silly talk. My friend Regan has had her beautiful baby, she has been married for ever and finally has fallen pregnant, we had some lovely chats about this subject - so co-incidentally is my dog groomer and I have always been honest about how hard it is when babies are born. Her little angel arrived yesterday and I have been a blubbering mess ever since, it doesnt help that I have PMS. But saying all this , my weight has been the blame for everything that has gone wrong in my life and I plan to get to that bloody 71 kgs, become a Lifetime Member. My question to myself would be "what are you going to do when you can't blame your weight?". Anyway, tomorrow will be a gain and I deserve a gain. It reinforces my philosophy that I need to be 100% good and nothing even 98% is enough. If I am 100% good and the scales are not kind then I can happily say - well so be it. Anyway, this blog was and is more about me putting my feelings down , dusting myself off and stop feeling so god damn sorry for myself. I have a great job, friends, family and a fabulous dog - what more could I want. Must go but hopefully tomorrow's weigh helps me. Martine

Wednesday, September 9, 2009

No Weigh Pass used

I don't know how I feel really - I feel good and bad. Can I be both happy and sad ? Attended my Weigh in at WW Lifestyle Centre with my leader Don and used my No Weigh Pass I am pleased that I did this, I didnt want the scales to say a gain and my mind recording this as an unsuccessful week when avoiding emotional eating and turning down cream cakes was a successful one. Whatever peoples views are, it was and is right for me. This week has been a bit weird,I suppose I have been 75% good but saying that when I went to get some milk yesterday I was starving and brought 2 chocolate bars. Not 1 but 2!!!! I kept the wrappers in my bag and tracked them - all 10 points of them. How disgusting. Another lesson for me, and an oldie but a goodie, don't grocery shop when you are starving. Money for the next month is horrendous, my wage hasn't been reviewed in years and so after payment of everything there is little or no money left for food or me - but I have written down a food menu planner for the fortnight - I usually do 1 menu planner and use it for two weeks as I do try to do my grocery shopping fortnightly, with the exception of getting some vegies etc. So there is a lot of eggs, chick peas etc and I am surprised how easily I can do it with the incorporation of legumes. One of the solicitors in my office and I were chatting about money and I was whinging how hard for him to go into work to do stuff when his wife was working, he has offered some regular babysitting jobs on the weekend as his wife is a doctor and it is hard, so for $20 an hour I am happy to babysit or as I call it Nanny work for a few hours, I am going to get him to deposit the money into my christmas club and I won't touch it. I know I would rather be at home relaxing but money is money. I know a lot of people are struggling as well and I have stuff to do at home and next year will need to replace my car - this all cannot be done on the wage I receive. So I am not going out socially for the next 4 w eeks but I can do it - I am by nature very social but there are times when a girl just needs to spend the time at home. My WI on Friday with TTOM due I am not sure how I will go, there is always a possibility of a gain during this period. Anyway, must dash but will post again tomorrow.

Friday, September 4, 2009

That god it is weigh in day !

Well, all I can say is I have never been so relieved to go to a weigh-in in my life. This week has been really hard. My birthday celebrations just had me losing momentum and then Vincenzo the dog got sick. The positive is that I havent emotionally eaten and have done the "self talk" but probably have over eaten my points. The focus wasn't there this week. The week did have successful moment in it, like the not eating through Vinces' illness, turning down those cakes at work etc. I have made a decision and everyone will have a different point of view, I will go to my WI with Don tonight and chat to him, I have decided to use my no weigh pass because the week actually has been succesful and a real plus in that I overcome the emotional eating but probably overate my portions but if I gain on those scales my head with say "unsuccessful" when really I think I have been successful. I will explain to Don as I don't want the scales to be a sign of my success. I have proven in the past that I can face a gain but think this is good for me, plus my TOM is due next week which will inspire me to be even better. I will do fast track for next week. This weekend is pretty quiet and I plan on some walks and to christen the slow cooker. I am tired at present but if I don't eat enough vegies or fruit I find my energy level decreases - so note to Martine - eat those damn apples on your desk. This will be a long road to goal weight and changing my life around, but it is all a learning experience and I am sure that with each passing week the challenges of emotional eating etc will become easier. This week although hard has allowed me to sit back and realise that I have come a long way in a short time. Martine

Wednesday, September 2, 2009

This week has been hard

Well this week is a hard one, I am not really sure why. I assume I am tired plus put my foot off the pedal a bit due to the birthday and it has been hard to get back into it. Plus my darling dog Vincenzo aka Vince isn't well and was at the vet's last night for 1.5 hours - so I want to emotionally eat if I could. Those damn apples are on my desk saying - "this is what you should be eating?" but it isn't what I want. To add insult to injury the people in the offices next to ours came in with a plate of cream cakes and bun - they had kitchener buns filled with cream and doused in sugar - I LOVE THEM. But I did say "As much as I would love them, No thank you I am on a diet" and so another non scale victory for me. But it has taken a lot of energy this week to try and keep honest and on track, but a lesson that is learned is that there are times when it is tough, you just have to remind yourself of what you want - for me this week a loss. I really need that weigh in on Friday to get me back on track but I just don't want a gain so have made a WW chocolate drink - 0.5 points instead. I will be happy with a 100 gram loss or stay the same, but I will go to my Weigh in as it keeps me honest. This weekend is going to be a quiet one, so hopefully the weather will be kind and I can have a bit of a long walk with Vince. Have a good day everyone.