Just call me bodyjam girl !

So much has happened since my last post. It is 11.13pm at night, my little darling Vince the wonderdog is at my friend's place. She is depressed at present and needs someone to love, would desperately love a dog but unsure how she would handle it, so Vince is going to Joey's tonight and comes back Sunday. He is in good hands but his mummy is missing him already and it has only been an hour !

After my good efforts on Australia Day (26/2/10) I went to WW last Friday 29/1/10 and got on the scales, that TOM was due but I thought that I would get a 300 gram loss though. Got on the scales and my leader Di told me 2.2kgs, I said that is a good loss. She said "no Martine it is a gain" lol !! Not impressed at all, and annoying that because of it I haven't achieved my 4 losses in a row challenge, I could say becuase it is my period it doesn't count but I am not having this, so the challenge will need to be started again.

What was interesting is that I didn't cry, didn't think I was a failure or anything like that. I accept it was a gain and a large one, I accept the weight has gone on, there is nothing I can do about it but move on. That in itself is a good thing.

My niece arrived last Friday from Broken Hill, we shopped till we dropped and I realised that at a smaller size there is just more sale items I can wear. My niece Miss S is an overweight child of 14, as someone how has had weight issues as an adult and the consequences of family thinking they are helping my going on about my weight, I reinforced to her during our coffee breaks that we ALL are more than bodies, there is a lot more to us than the physical. It made me look at my own life and again my mother's saying that I have adopted "You are the master of your own destiny", weight loss is the same, the journey of losing 50 odd kilos is in my hands.

The week I thought was good, Miss S flew back Sunday night and I wish I wore a pedometre as I would hate to think of how many steps we did, I certainly would have earned quite a few as basically we did 2 full days of shopping from 9am to 5pm.

The gym routine is going well, I realise it is a stress release for me and haven't had the mentality that I need to live and breathe the place, I now want to be there more and more but go for the stress relief and not becuase of weight loss, I think if you continually think you need to be there to lose weight I am sure you are asking for trouble in the long term, of course that is a bonus that we burn those calories.

The week before last i meet another instructor for some strange reason she had me convinced I should try a Body Jam class, so this Wednesday I go along. I get changed and am nearly ready to burst into tears because I was so nervous and self conscious. As we were waiting for the step class to finish so that we could go into the room, I meet again the instructor and we chatted, I told her I was about to faint from fear, she laughed. What was nice as there was a lot of us waiting she advised us all that with Body Jam that night it was a new program. She asked which people had never been and there were 4 and who was nervous (there were many) and I think it was for my benefit, that is the pure and simple reason I love the gym - the staff have been hand picked specifically and thoroughly. As we were waiting another girl Jess No 2 arrived who I have got to know at the class, she held my hand. It was hard and i am no hip hop dancer but god I gave it a go and when I looked around the class 98% of the class were struggling. As I walked to my car i meet a couple of other girls who are regulars, luckily they said the new class was hard and they would be there next week. At least I have people I know. I am so brave and this was such a momentous occassion for me, my fear of being self conscious and an embarrassement to myself has always been an issue, as much as I wast TERRIFIED I bloody well did it.

Tonight I went to WW and lost 700 grams, I thought it would be more but today's discussion was firstly about my bodyjam class and secondly the long periods between my meals. This has been discussed before and as I eat breakfast at 7am, lunch at 1.30pm and then dinner between 7.40 and 8pm (depending what time I leave the gym and what I am doing at the gym) the gap between lunch and dinner is too large, so I need to eat, go figure I think as I am burning up bonus points I am told that I need to eat all my daily points and eat an afternoon snack around 4-5pm. So I am concentrating on that. I think with the benefit of eating more regularly the weight loss might be harder.

Although I realise missing meals or not eating enough is just as bad as eating too much it still to this day amazes me that I need to eat more. I am simply not hungry between meals or for that point when I get home from the gym - I am never hungry but will work on it this week and see how I next Friday with the weight loss.

Luckily I only have 1 social function on and I have worked out the meal I am having (thankfully everything is online these days) so I am hoping with hard work a good loss will result.

Hope everyone is doing well.

Martine