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Adelaide , South Australia, Australia
I am 49 and heading for 50. This is about me, the highs and lows and a lot of stuff re weight loss, so follow me and see wha I am up to !!

The wonderful people that follow and support me !

Saturday, April 10, 2010

Eat more - lose more !

Well, since the last post things in my world haven't got better - well somewhat.
Yesterday I had my weigh in, sometimes when I go - even though I have had a good week that doesn't always reflect on the scales, glad to report that I lost 600grams and during Easter mind you ! I know Easter and Christmas are times when you are almost guaranteed to gain. Despite the emotions of the week and Easter I secured a loss.
It has been an interesting week, I have consciously tried to eat more, initially at 4.45pm each day - although there was a couple of days I simply forgot to eat. It has become easier but what is really fascinating is that now mid morning I am feeling like a snack, this has never happened before. My lovely leader believes this is because my metabolism is working.
So the focus is really on for 4 losses in a row. Next week my leader is away so have a leader I have had before who is great, the aim is to have a good loss next week and when Di is back the week after have another loss and that is 4 losses in a row and finally I can buy my Lorna Jane Gym bag.
I can feel the confidence building, I think with Easter I allocated myself an Easter Egg and tracked that, some hot cross buns and going out - I didn't feel deprived and I suppose that says it all.
Well the friends with benefits situation (as per last post) came to a head Thursday. Now Thursday was one of those days, work was manic and I am still trying to finish end of month and BAS stuff plus deal with people that are not coping with their separations (I work for a solicitor that does family law), trying to deal with Mum and organising Dad's 70th and being told what to do, not being asked and being rail roaded to going to Melbourne on 11/6/10 for the long weekend and trying to book a flight that is cheap. Came home after a very very short session at the gym in not the happiest of moods, the house is a mess as I was just not into it and there is a knock on the door - Michael ! We had an emotional chat - he has said a few things which basically in a few words is that he cant give me what I want, nothing to do with the feelings he has and there is a man fighting back tear - I just shake my head. Anyway, the situation is that he wants me to have time to think about things, he thinks he holds me back from finding that special someone, it is all quite complicated really. Long and Short of it is he is right, I know he is right. Last night saw me ringing my beautiful girlfriends and just sobbing - Thursday night I knew what I had to do (that is walk) but couldn't do it.
Friday the day seemed emotional, few trips to the toilet, having a cry etc. One of the 4 Jo's emailed me and just said what I needed to hear, at 4pm I knew I had to walk and am happy with that, after all I want marriage and a relationship with committment, nothing wrong with that. This was reinforced with another of the 4 jo's (best friend Jo) and her husband Ron, having a deep and meaningful over a few glasses of Malborough Savingnon Blanc, really New Zealand does a mean Savingnon Blanc and felt quite calm and excited about what I had decided. After all, I have been trying to walk away since November 2009.
My mother who at times is tactless, when the chips are down comes in and is just beautiful. Got a few emails with lovely words, basically saying put yourself first. Ron (Jo's husband) did comment that my heart was too big, being a bit selfish doesn't hurt. My mother is ALWAYS going on about her two favorite sayings which are:-
  • Things happen for a reason
  • You are the master of your own destiny

Now normally when she says this I just roll my eyes, but she is right and these two sayings just said it all for me. I can leave things like they are and nothing changes. Irrelevant about whether we are talking about my heart or weight loss, if we leave things the way they are and don't change things whether eating or environment or toxic people, then nothing will change.

So, I feel somewhat cleansed, I know that focusing on the gym, WW, work, friends and family I can keep myself amused. I have loads of friends so will just get out and take charge.
To top off an emotional week, Thursday when everything was thrown at me, I am on facebook and on the right hand corner there is a section where they bring up people you might know. Anyway, "the one that got away" or the one that I think was my soul mate popped up, I sent a friend request and thought, if you want this feeling - then walk from Michael.
So basically this week has been high and low, but is bloody excellent and thumbs up for me is that I didnt emotionally eat, Thursday night I wanted a Big Mac, large fries, large vanilla shake and sundae from McDonalds or a whole pizza, but instead had a few almonds and talked myself out of it. If I can deal with an highly emotional week like this week and not gain or eat, aren't I just a superstar.
This week is a little busy, not a bad thing. Will try and get to the gym at 7am, go to the library and return some books, grocery shop and want to try some new recipes with Sunday off to the pub or some cafe with Joey - yes another Jo !
I am going to try and go back to bed and sleep ! The dog is fast asleep and looking mega cute, he needs to be woken for a cuddle with his Mum !!!

5 comments:

Hippygal said...

Sorry to hear about the man but good to hear you didn't have the junk food. Have a great weekend :-)

Trish said...

Hi Martine

I truly believe that when a door closes, a window opens somewhere - it may not be apparent at the moment - but it will soon will be.

Proud of you for not giving in emotionally (I know I still do)

Have a great weekend

Trisg

Trish said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Tina said...

Martine, I hadn't read your blog for a while and just had a big catchup.
You sure have had your share of things to deal with lately. Well done on your weight losses. You are doing amazingly well considering what you are going through.
Just wanted to give you a hug and tell you I think you are doing the right thing. You deserve more.


Look forward to catching up on the 2nd May. It's been too long.

Deb said...

Yes, you certainly are a superstar!! Dealing with all those emotions and not overeating is fantastic. Losing weight is even better.
I hope things get calmer for you now that the deed is done.