About Me

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Adelaide , South Australia, Australia
I am 49 and heading for 50. This is about me, the highs and lows and a lot of stuff re weight loss, so follow me and see wha I am up to !!

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Friday, September 17, 2010

Day 10 - Didn't eat my emotions

Hi girls Well, there is a bit to post today but will start where I finished off last night. Left work later than expected but had to meet Karen who wanted to give me something, it was all very mysterious, so we meet at McDonald's car park near where I live. I got there later than expected, and Karen was there to meet me and handed over Annette Sym's latest cookbook duly signed. For those living outside Australia, Annette Sym lost quite a bit of weight with Weight Watchers and I think from memory for a time might even been a leader. What she did was publish herself a low fat cookbook with the nutritional values on each recipe, including if you vary a major ingredient - for example it might say Pork and you swap it to Chicken, the nutritional panel will also say chicken. Anyway, they have been a run away success and this is book 7 I think. Karen works/worked with a lady who is Annette's best friend and got a copy signed for me as a gift. I was so so touched that someone other than myself thought of me for a change, instead of the other way around. Anyway, as I knew I wasn't going to get to the gym, I suggested a coffee, as McDonald''s was manic and there was a 20 minute wait for McCafe coffee's we declined but sat down and solved the world's problems. Got home and my aunt rang for a chat, then it was too late for the gym, so heated up a bowl of soup and tried to sleep. When I woke there was a message on facebook from an old boyfriend I dated in my very early twenties, I rang mum this morning, not that I am interested in this guy but it is lovely to think someone is flirting with me. Mum said "does he know about your weight?" to which I replied "trust me Mum, men aren't as obsessed with my weight as you are" to which she replied "Martine, you are wrong". I did advise her he saw me at Christmas. I consequently burst into tears after this but rang Karen as she does understand more than I will say on this blog. My issues with my body and self esteem come from constantly being hounded about my weight, I know I am overweight - I don't need to be a rocket scientist to understand that. I know she thinks she is helping, but my first thought was that I prove her wrong and not lose a pound. Of course, that was a thought for a micro second but I can imagine when I get to goal that I will be too thin. My darling friend Tania has for years advised me that I must address this, I agree but the thing is with my mother I will not win an argument. Weight issues are the only thing Mum and I argue about. To be honest today I was tempted to pig out, to eat a donut but talked myself through it and thought of myself and how much happier I will be thinner. I shudder to think what she will say if I lose the weight and then meet the bloke. Today for lunch I brought myself cold rolls which are low in points and extremely yummy as a treat and will go to the gym tonight even though it is the last thing that I can be bothered doing, I know that I will feel better for it. The tracking is going great guns and as I said to Karen last night, this is the last time I am doing this (ww that is), the next challenge will be maintenance. AND I BELIEVE IT. So today, even though I was upset, wanted to eat all and sundry but the thing is I didnt and that is a major step. All I need to do is focus on one day at a time. Ideally by Christmas if I could lose 10kgs by then I would be happy but as long as the scales are constantly going down that is the main thing. It is not a race. I am proud of myself today as I didnt eat.


Gae (GaeChann) said...

Oh Martine! That WAS a hurtful comment from your Mother! Yes, of course you KNOW you need to lose weight but she's not helping by constantly reminding you of that fact! So many women report that their partners love them no matter what size they are! Beauty comes from within! As soon as we begin to love ourselves, we can then share the love around! Keep up with the great work - you CAN do it!! Gae oxoxo

kazz said...

Yanno martine...all thru my teen years my mum was on my ass about my weight. even till just before i started this weight loss journey she was always saying "you need to lose weight" she dragged me to doctors...at 15 coming out with weight loss plans...if she had just backed off i mite have done this years ago. That said...now i am doing this she says NOTHING unless i prompt her she doesnt say a damn thing...i sent her a photo recently (the one of me in a skirt) and her response? "not bad" argh!! Everyone else was like u look fab...u have great legs etc etc...so what my ramble is saying i get where you are coming from!! That said i have restricted contact with her...and im better off for it...its since i did this i started to do better with the weight loss...hope you start to feel better!

Tania said...

Hello lovely lady - firstly my apologies for not checking in earlier (i'm still not feeling the best) but CONGRATULATIONS on your loss this week - 2kgs is an awesome result and I imagine you were pretty damn pleased with yourself (as you should be).

CONGRATS also on not eating your emotions - we've been on this roundabout discussion regarding your mum for so many years mate and I know the effect it has on you.

I will ALWAYS believe that you need to address this - by letting her know how you feel. You have such a good relationship with your mum I think she would be HORRIFIED if she knew the impact her comments had on you and I also think addressing it (when your ready) will be so empowering it will have a hugely positive effect on your progress.

Sending big hugs your way mate, looking forward to seeing you on Tuesday night!

Trish said...

Well done Martine - on all accounts!!

Maybe you should have a talk, not an argument, about how YOU FEEL, when she says this things and maybe put some borders around it. If you do not say anything - you are not giving her a chance to modify her behaviour.

I am sure that she is not trying to deliberately hurt you - just trying to be helpful in her own way.

One step at at time, one day at a time until we reach our goal

Your rock martine!!

Penny, NZ said...

Hi Martine,

Sorry, just catching up now with blogs (got busy). Like everyone else here I'm sorry that that happened with your Mum, and the only reason I am not saying anything stronger is I don't know the history between you and your Mum. I have found that other people (women particularyly but not exclusively) sometimes bring it up and you think why did you think it was okay to bring that up? In confidence yes, with someone you know well, yes, but sometimes it is someone who has known you five minutes and doesn't know your history and what might be behind it.

Anyway, I actually came on here to comment about the much more positive part of this entry. Well done you for getting yourself through a really tough time. Even if you had a slip of some kind I would say that, but you are getting through really tough times with clear thinking, even if it sometimes doesn't feel like it.

Well done Martine! back to the rest of your entries, hop things are going better.

Love Penny xo

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I also think addressing it (when your ready) will be so empowering it will have a hugely positive effect on your progress.
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