Eat more - lose more !

Well, since the last post things in my world haven't got better - well somewhat.

Yesterday I had my weigh in, sometimes when I go - even though I have had a good week that doesn't always reflect on the scales, glad to report that I lost 600grams and during Easter mind you ! I know Easter and Christmas are times when you are almost guaranteed to gain. Despite the emotions of the week and Easter I secured a loss.

It has been an interesting week, I have consciously tried to eat more, initially at 4.45pm each day - although there was a couple of days I simply forgot to eat. It has become easier but what is really fascinating is that now mid morning I am feeling like a snack, this has never happened before. My lovely leader believes this is because my metabolism is working.

So the focus is really on for 4 losses in a row. Next week my leader is away so have a leader I have had before who is great, the aim is to have a good loss next week and when Di is back the week after have another loss and that is 4 losses in a row and finally I can buy my Lorna Jane Gym bag.

I can feel the confidence building, I think with Easter I allocated myself an Easter Egg and tracked that, some hot cross buns and going out - I didn't feel deprived and I suppose that says it all.

Well the friends with benefits situation (as per last post) came to a head Thursday. Now Thursday was one of those days, work was manic and I am still trying to finish end of month and BAS stuff plus deal with people that are not coping with their separations (I work for a solicitor that does family law), trying to deal with Mum and organising Dad's 70th and being told what to do, not being asked and being rail roaded to going to Melbourne on 11/6/10 for the long weekend and trying to book a flight that is cheap. Came home after a very very short session at the gym in not the happiest of moods, the house is a mess as I was just not into it and there is a knock on the door - Michael ! We had an emotional chat - he has said a few things which basically in a few words is that he cant give me what I want, nothing to do with the feelings he has and there is a man fighting back tear - I just shake my head. Anyway, the situation is that he wants me to have time to think about things, he thinks he holds me back from finding that special someone, it is all quite complicated really. Long and Short of it is he is right, I know he is right. Last night saw me ringing my beautiful girlfriends and just sobbing - Thursday night I knew what I had to do (that is walk) but couldn't do it.

Friday the day seemed emotional, few trips to the toilet, having a cry etc. One of the 4 Jo's emailed me and just said what I needed to hear, at 4pm I knew I had to walk and am happy with that, after all I want marriage and a relationship with committment, nothing wrong with that. This was reinforced with another of the 4 jo's (best friend Jo) and her husband Ron, having a deep and meaningful over a few glasses of Malborough Savingnon Blanc, really New Zealand does a mean Savingnon Blanc and felt quite calm and excited about what I had decided. After all, I have been trying to walk away since November 2009.

My mother who at times is tactless, when the chips are down comes in and is just beautiful. Got a few emails with lovely words, basically saying put yourself first. Ron (Jo's husband) did comment that my heart was too big, being a bit selfish doesn't hurt. My mother is ALWAYS going on about her two favorite sayings which are:-

• Things happen for a reason
• You are the master of your own destiny

Now normally when she says this I just roll my eyes, but she is right and these two sayings just said it all for me. I can leave things like they are and nothing changes. Irrelevant about whether we are talking about my heart or weight loss, if we leave things the way they are and don't change things whether eating or environment or toxic people, then nothing will change.

So, I feel somewhat cleansed, I know that focusing on the gym, WW, work, friends and family I can keep myself amused. I have loads of friends so will just get out and take charge.

To top off an emotional week, Thursday when everything was thrown at me, I am on facebook and on the right hand corner there is a section where they bring up people you might know. Anyway, "the one that got away" or the one that I think was my soul mate popped up, I sent a friend request and thought, if you want this feeling - then walk from Michael.

So basically this week has been high and low, but is bloody excellent and thumbs up for me is that I didnt emotionally eat, Thursday night I wanted a Big Mac, large fries, large vanilla shake and sundae from McDonalds or a whole pizza, but instead had a few almonds and talked myself out of it. If I can deal with an highly emotional week like this week and not gain or eat, aren't I just a superstar.

This week is a little busy, not a bad thing. Will try and get to the gym at 7am, go to the library and return some books, grocery shop and want to try some new recipes with Sunday off to the pub or some cafe with Joey - yes another Jo !

I am going to try and go back to bed and sleep ! The dog is fast asleep and looking mega cute, he needs to be woken for a cuddle with his Mum !!!

This is what has happened !

Well, it is 1.55am in the morning, I can't sleep - what is new ! Therefore an ideal time to get this blog updated and my thoughts down on paper. So much has happened emotionally etc, normally highly emotional times are just before my Birthday in August but this year it is very much earlier. Now where to start, weight I suppose. Well, there have been some in roads in that department. As I have weighed in twice at WW and not reported it, this is a good place to start.

Weight Watchers

Went to WW on 26/3/10 - my leader advised me that I was again due for a gain as my period was due (we track it on my card) and of course a bloody gain, drives me crazy and to be honest the road to weight loss has done my head in of late. I left the meeting quite despondent, I felt that I was on a treadmill and getting no where. So I tracked with the view to getting my leader to review my food intake and to make a big big effort to eat between meals - therefore eat more.

Anyway, I had to weigh in a day early as my weigh in day coincides with Good Friday - my period did not arrive until the weigh in day on the Thursday before Easter - therefore a week late and so I reluctantly went thinking bloody hell there is no way I will loose, my leader checked my tracker and it was an honest account, we discussed what I had done differently this week and really had made an effort to stop at 4.45pm and eat a snack.

My view on this was as hard as it is, it is like when you first start a weight loss program and initially have to eat breakfast, it is hard at first and then after a while you look forward to breakfast, same thing with my 4.45pm snack. I allocated this time because I leave work essentially around 5ish and then go to the gym most days during the week after work and it is adding some fuel to the body.

Anyway, got on those scales and a 1kg loss. So Martine ate more and lost ! Go figure, I know all the reasons why we need to eat regularly etc but really it does my head in, you would think less calories/points would equal more weight loss. I suppose a car doesn't run with no fuel in it. That weight loss gave me a little focus in that I had changed the routine and it worked. It is a long long journey that I am on, my leader though commented that I hadn't given up and was working towards what I wanted to achieve (69 kgs by the time I turn 50 - I am 47 this year).

I suppose I looked at it, that essentially the 26/3/10 weigh in had me at that fork in the road - one road was give up and just focus on the gym and try and maintain the weight - we know that isn't going to happen - or go the other road and keep up the fight. I choose to keep up the fight. I weigh in on Friday - this is the first weigh in after Easter - so will see, I think overall I was pretty good.

Menopause

Well, I have started to get hot flushes, emotionally this has upset me - my view with menopause is the sooner it starts, the sooner it finishes.

With it carries a heavy heart, with menopause starting I now know that I will never have children. As someone that is so maternal and something I have desired my whole life, it is something I have to deal with. I still get upset seeing babies in pushes and fight back tears - but I am an aunt to 6 great people so I need to focus on that.

There is a bit of the woe is me - why didnt marriage and kids happen to me but that is the way the cards have been dealt, I just have to deal with it, saying that, my girlfriends are dealing with teenagers and that is horrible - lucky I don't have to deal with that and remind myself when they ring me upset.

(friend with benefits and more)

This part of my life as caused me so much grief since about November last year. Quick overview - friends with benefits (he is committment phobic) we are very close, get on very well and are more than friends with benefits - it is a term we place on it so he is not rattled by the word relationship. It is a strange one, he has been my rock for 14 years.

I have wanted committment, to be seen as a couple and as I am very social for him to attend some of my social functions - I know I mean a lot to him - after he sends a dozen expensively gift boxed roses for Valentines Day - what does that mean ? He does send flowers, so if I had received say lillies I wouldn't have thought anything but am I wrong in thinking red roses boxed is something else. Anyway, I had arranged for him to come to dinner with my friend and her overseas partner who was in Adelaide a while - it was arranged but no word from him on the day - I went by myself anyway the long and short of it is - I emailed him on 22/3/10 for his birthday - got a response etc but I haven't seen him or heard from him for quite a while, we speak every few days.

He has done what I wanted to do, break it off so that I can open the universe up to someone that wants to be with me in a committed relationship, for whatever reason it has naturally done it by itself. I am suprised how heart broken I am but am lucky my girlfriends have come to the party in their support and even though they are all busy with their partners have gone out their way to make time for me. One friend who I love for her honesty Jo J (one of the 5 friends I have called Jo) says maybe this is the universe pulling me in the direction I need to go - I do find comfort in that and agree. I know this is for the best, I know that but it is hard.

Gym

The gym is going well, it has been my saviour when things aren't going well - it helps me to fight off the depression I suffer from occasionally. I now look forward to going and am starting to get selfish with it. You see, I have always been the single one and have fitted in with friends only too willlingly around their kids and husband and normally we catch up during the week which suits them but I am now unless it is exceptional circumstances or people that I will never refuse (like Tania my diet buddy who when I see her am always inspired and just good company) I say I go to the gym, you can meet me for a coffee after (if coffee is what we are doing) or push them to meet me on the weekend.

Of course if there is something I really want to go to, I am happy to give up the gym but if just for a normal coffee then they can fit around me. I feel it is time to put myself first. A trainer at the gym that has been really good is leaving, I was lucky over Easter to meet a new trainer Ben - he is lovely and we had a chat. I am going to book in shortly for him to review my program and he is going to put me through my paces, he comes up to me now when I am doing cardio to check how much I can talk, if I talk too much I am not pushing myself. Of course I am increasing my levels etc but he wants me to focus on the distance - so doing that. I must admit I love the gym, it relaxes me and keeps me occupied (more to the point my mind busy).

I measured myself and although my meaurements have decreased overall I have lost 6 cm of each leg since November 2009 - that is great. I am pleased I am in the routine of it all, when Ben the trainer heard how little I slept he was impressed I still come.

Overview

Well Easter has been and gone (thank god) and I was good, had a breakfast on and a lunch on the Monday, it was quiet and did mope around home a bit too much but managed to get to the gym. Life is about to become exciting, have this feeling that all this emotional stuff is for a reason.

Martine xxx

Off to the gym but will report in later today

So much has happened in my life in the last two weeks - the universe I am sure is telling me something. I am about to go to the gym at 8am this morning for my 50 min cardio and 40 minutes of weights. I need to write a long post so will do that today after I have got some housework done and some cooking done for the freezer. Hope everyone is having a good Easter, if you have indulged, enjoy it and don't feel guilty, my view is it is Easter and a little bit is okay. I ate chocolate and stuff on Friday and didn't feel guilty, I got back onto that horse on Saturday and am fine. My life these last two weeks has been so emotional but somehow theraputic - it has been filled with good and bad but will report on the dramas of it all and how I am going weight loss wise later today. Take care everyone

I don't know about the weights first

Well as you girls know, I was advised to do my weights programme first and then cardio plus to have a glass of milk and a yoghurt before hand. So did that last night - I don't know, I do feel I need protein so that is okay with the yoghurt or milk but do think I need some carbohydrate - low GI foods I didnt think I had the energy. My thought was one piece of bread (something quite grainy like Burgen) with some tuna or cheese in it? When I went to the gym last night I asked about the weights first and then cardio, they didn't agree and I must admit to not liking the weights first as I struggled through the cardio. I think I need to be fresh for the cardio and Adrian the trainer agreed. So tonight is just cardio so that is okay, tomorrow is cardio and weights so will try with the yoghurt and bread and see how I go plus will go back to cardio first and weights - keep you posted. I am going to do some research into this subject, I am now really interested in the technical side of weight loss and as Kazz has said in her blog - I am really looking forward to educating myself. I am tired at present, still getting over the weekend. My gym is only closed on Good Friday during the Easter period, so I intend to make the most of it and do some long sessions - or two sessions daily. I might even get them during this period to re-work my programme. When I have a bit more money certainly investing in a Heart Rate Monitor so I think this is going to be beneficial to allow me to see how many calories I am burning etc. Christened my new oven last night, will take a bit to get used to. Just did some frozen fish fillets - I usually don't like to eat anything processed but these are easy. So will try and bake some low fat goodies for the freezer to get used to the fan forced. With weight loss other than the exercise/food intake/water intake and tracking the most important key is the mindset - mine this week has taken a bit of a battering in that the gain has upset me, but I am doing the self talk and this helps plus I visualise myself a happier, healthier and thinner Martine. I watched Biggest Loser last night, I don't agree with the program as such but I think what it does is show us the difference weight loss can make not just to the physical. Each person somehow I can connect with and seeing how happy they are. I got a lot from last night's episode - the fact that with confidence you can do anything. Maybe the reason I don't attract men is that I don't believe in myself. I brought a 12 week food journal tracker at WW on Friday, I haven't used it this week - it hasn't started off in the best way but will do it next week. I am also going to track my measurements, I have taken my measurements when I first joined the gym in late November 2009 so it will be interesting to see how I go. I haven't necessarily lost the kgs I wanted but am sure I am changing shape. Anyway, yesterday most of water consumed and spend the entire day on the toilet - I must try and focus on this, especially with weigh in on Friday. Take care everyone, and feel free to post - I get a lot of joy from them. Anyone that wants to email me direct can on mdally@internode.on. net Martine xxxx

Seriously, I am not impressed !!!!

Above is a picture of me (me trying to take photo by myself) and of me and Savannah my niece who seems to be in the same boat as me trying to lose some weight. She is a good kid. Well can I say I am seriously not a happy camper.

I could just scream or cry or both. Went to my weigh in at Weight Watchers and thought as I exercised more this week that I would secure a 1kg loss, bloody hell I gained 1 kg. Honest to god what does a girl need for consistency.

My leader Di Fitzell is away so I had another leader who had lost 58 kgs and she was great, understood I was frustrated and talked me through it. This is one of the serious advantages of going to Weight Watchers Lifestyle Centres, they addressed my issues and mine only. So we talked in general about it, the consensus was that I was not eating enough – same old story.

You know, it is hard to get your head around the fact that eating less is not necessary good, especially for someone like me that is exercising as well. She talked about tracking seriously this week and they will look at what I eat and what times and the leaders basically going through my eating planner.

Secondly, there is just too long a period between meals so I was not impressed so I have to eat more. Lachie the other leader came and chatted also, he having lost 35 kgs and goes to the gym regularly. He suggested (now I zoned out on the technical reasons) that I drink 1 cup of Tone Milk and 100 grams of low fat yoghurt around 4.30pm. So I will have to do that and ensure I eat all of my points. He also suggested I do my weights programme first and then my cardio, I had heard this before when I had a personal trainer about 6 years ago. Something about the body burning the glycogen (I think) during weights and then when you go on the cardio you go into fat burning. I will try this as I had heard this before and this is what Lachie does. Overall this is advantage of the one on one process, it was about me on Friday and what I needed to do.

Having a gain didn’t put me in a good frame of mind, Saturday I worked at the State Election and was a horrendously long day, left home at 6.15am and got in my front door at 10.45pm. Hardly ate other than a handful of scotch finger biscuits so when I went home drove through McDonalds for a Big Mac Meal and thoroughly enjoyed it, even though it wasn’t what I should have had. Emotionally I was upset so last night had a pizza.

Luckily, I have woke up this morning with the mentality that I need to work harder, eat more and snack. I am determined that I won’t buy my lorna jane bag until I have had 4 losses in a row, somehow I think this journey is going to be a long one.

I must not compare myself to other people, just because they have had consistently good losses it does not mean I do.

To add salt to the wound I also am starting menopause, the hot flushes have hit in a big way and so that also makes me upset as it reinforces that motherhood will not happen, although I know in my heart about this.

At the polling booth there was so many delicious men and yummy dads. Honestly, what is so hard about meeting someone. I am at the point in my life where I need someone, I just have to believe it will happen.

So anyone reading this, I want your views/ideas/experiences on the following:

· Hot flushes – what have you taken?

· Gym workouts – weight loss, eating and any useful information

· Do you eat snacks?

So I have to not let 1 unexpected gain get to me, I am going to try and do some additional exercise this week to try and get the extra food worked off. Okay so I need to keep the momentum going, believe in myself and just toughen up and work hard at getting this weight off.

I can either feel sorry for myself or just keep at it, luckily I have never contemplated leaving WW, I know I would gain unless I replace it with something and I know it works, I just have to keep my food/exercise/water intakes consistent.

Any comments are appreciated

I have a bowl of mini chocolate eggs on my desk !

Oh dear me ! My boss has put a bowl of mini chocolate eggs on my reception desk at work - that is not good. This will give me a test of my willpower. I went off to the gym last night like a good girl, I always feel a million dollars when I walk in, purely that I am doing it - exercising when I have little or no sleep and am exhausted. I get depressed every now and again and am in anti-depressants, I have seen a distinct link in my mental health levels and exercise, when I exercise I note that mentally I am better and am now a bit passionate about people that are depressed as hard as it is to get out and exercise. This morning before I started work (I work for a law firm as a PA) I have my morning skim latte - like is to damn short for bad coffee and as all the morning papers had disappeared I started to read Fitness First (a chain of gym's in Australia) monthly magazine. It has some interesting articles and some ideas for me about what to eat before the gym (I will report on this below) and an article about a girl who had bad mental illness, tried to committ suicide and was homeless for a part, she managed to get herself organised through a women's shelter and one thing and another lead to her working full time at the shelter. Eventually she starts at the gym with a personal trainer, she loses 35 kilos and her mental health is non existent. Certainly I could understand it. One of the things that I need to work on is eating between meals, I know that I leave too much of a gap and especially in the afternoon need a snack at around 4.30pm - 5pm before the gym, I am never hungry really so thought perhaps a good quality protein drink might help me. I obviously am needing something as I do get tired a bit at the gym and think my body does not have enough fuel. I will certainly be trying to read up on this. Obviously a banana is a good choice, damn shame I am allergic to them. Tonight is my hair appointment (thank god). I am a fussy girl - the hair and makeup and clothes need to be just right, I think because at present I am larger (but not for long) that I need to make that extra effort plus I am single so you never know when that man on the white horse may come charging up the lifts to my desk at work ! This weekend is horrendously busy...........sigh ! Tomorrow night is my weigh in, fingers crossed but at lunch I left my salad at home and went to the food court and had a bad choice, my rings are tight so I need to guzzle water down between now and my weigh in. Saturday is an election day in South Australia, I have been asked to work at a polling booth so that is good money and pays for my table to be re-sanded and cut down to size. Sunday was going to be my day of rest but alas my favourite girl Tania is down at my side of town so we are meeting for a coffee and chat, she has decided to leave Weight Watchers at present due to her tremendously busy life -so we have a lot to catch up on. So seeing her and then Joey (I have 4 close friends called Jo -plus my mother is Josephine and another Jo ) who has got a new kitten "Archie" so must go and see him as she (Jo that is) fusses over my Vincenzo the wonderdog. I am counting down till Easter - 4 days off and as most people I know go away I am hoping for a bit of down time, going to the gym, watching some TV and reading some books. Sounds bliss. Must dash - hope everyone is having a good day. Love Martine xx

Sorry for being missing in action

Now where to start !

The kitchen has gone in and looks fabulous, I am very excited. My beautiful Dad removed the old kitchen, re-tiled the new kitchen with very large fabulous tiles and painted. He will be back with Mum on the 24th to paint the lounge and my laundry. It is just so nice to have a great new kitchen although I haven't used the oven yet (as it is no nice and new I don’t want to dirty it !). I will post soon the new kitchen photos.

He was down for 2 weeks and at the end I didn’t want him to leave, considering I have lived by myself since the age of 22 and am now 46 years of age, that is pretty good going.

Now with Weight Watchers, lost 1kg this fortnight (didn’t go last week as I had a doctor’s appointment). The week before that my blasted TTOM was due so a gain of 1.4 kilos. At least it is down from the last TTOM gain of 2.2 ! The plan was to do a fast track, low processed food the week my period is due, with one thing and another it didn’t happen but as it is due again in another 17 days I will ensure that I monitor carefully that week my food so that I can secure a loss. I may try and fit in a few more exercise sessions that week, if I can get out of bed earlier. I refuse to buy myself that Lorna Jane gym bag until I have had 4 losses in a row – period or no period. I know I can lose when TTOM is due.

My leader has been away so I saw Lachie – a young buff leader who lost about 35 kilos, he was really direct and we talked about TTOM and what I plan to do – he also suggested that week to go organic. A totally different attitude but saying that he is very helpful as far as questions re exercise goes.

With Dad down I didn’t go to the gym for 2 weeks, purely as he was home working and I felt uncomfortable with that, I must admit to really missing it and it made me realise that it does relax me and puts me in a good frame of mind, I think that as I sweat and work hard that I am doing what a lot of people don’t do, that is exercise – I know all the girls that are dieting, following Weight Watchers or the like exercise but I know a lot of people that do not exercise, so I am personally proud that I do this. I can see my shape changing and must remember to measure myself again and see how I go.

Went to see my specialist about my lung, he really didn’t answer my questions despite lots of tests with large gap fees, he told me to keep exercising and ensure my fitness is increased – no drama with that. He told me perhaps my shape wasn’t helping – ie. I am in need of losing weight. He suggested about 10 – 15 kilos. What was interesting when I underwent these tests in 2003 and now in 2010 I am exactly the same weight and in 2003 I had not breathing difficulties. Obviously I only told Mum that he said to keep my fitness up, she asked about the weight – I didn’t comment as I didn’t need the stress or anxiety associated with it. Phoebe on the biggest loser reminds me of me, last night she had a makeover and commented the more her mother told or tried to help her diet the more she ate, the message is that I am the only one that can do this, if I am not in the right mindset – then it doesn’t matter what I follow nothing will help. I am lucky that I am patient and that I am happy with how this year has gone, my attitude is that I haven’t given up. I do notice the correlation between exercise and constant weight loss, the fact that I walked for years has made me realise that unless we are absolutely power walking and pushing ourselves, a leisurely stroll won’t work.

So overall, things going well – I am focused on just doing what I am doing, although I need to increase my water and fruit intake – somehow the water is a bit of a struggle so I must focus on this.

I have read a lot of blogs lately, I might not be exactly where I want to be but I am more times than not being quite good, I know with exercise at my gym that with what I eat that I can lose with consistently, as long as I work out what to do that 4^th week when TTOM is due.

Anyway everyone, that is me for the time being – I plan to update daily as I need at night to write my exercise details in a log, I am seriously thinking of buying a polar heart rate monitor to monitor the calories burned etc – must look into that.

Martine xxx

Update coming

Sorry fans, have been missing in action. Long post will be done tonight

This week has been tough !

What a week, I can't wait for 5pm Friday. As you are aware Dad is down painting and removing my old kitchen. The house is a war zone and covered in drop cloths, dust and contents of cupboards everywhere. There has been some delays in the painting so the kitchen/dining and hallway are getting done and the other rooms on an adhoc basis when Dad comes down from Broken Hill. Next trip 24/4/10 where he will do the lounge room. I am impatient to get the entire house done and so can't be despondent that it won't all be achieved. We have eaten out most of the week as I have no kitchen and Dad eats differently to me. Last night was fasta pasta and I didnt make a good choice and with TOM due soon (my emotions are everywhere at present) I am not sure if I am going to secure a loss this week or not. So Tuesday back into the groove of things as Dad is staying till then and I can get back to the gym and my food program. One thing I have noticed is that because I have missed attending the gym this week and part of last week I don't feel as in control emotionally. I had been reading another blog of a successful slimmer that has lost 45 kilos out of the 90 that she has to lose, she was saying she wants to go 5-6 times a week as it just helps her keep on track and not over analyse things. Mothers - I adore mine but sometimes she is tactless. I am undergoing tests for a lung condition I have and had an ECG yesterday and a lung function test on Monday with my specialist appointment on Monday at 4.30pm where I get the results of the huge amount of tests I have and how we proceed in treating the problem. Dad is staying down for that appointment and as I was discussing this with mum she says "the doctor may say something about your weight". Honest to god, I was furious. Everything in my life that goes wrong this women puts down to my weight. Of course we all know we are overweight but as a size 18-20 women I take great great pride in my appearance and am always dressed well and with what is in fashion together with classic pieces, my hair is always styled and my nails and makeup always done plus there is a lot more to me than a body. We are more than bodies. I am trying to reinforce this to my niece as well. I know I am overweight, it doesn't take a rocket scientist to work that out but my friends don't see me as overweight- just Martine. Anyway, no bloody idea how I am going tomorrow, I always gain but we will have to wait and see. Overall I will be just so delighted to have a new kitchen newly painted by the best man in the world (other than the wonderdog Vince) my Dad Dennis and next week back into my routine again, what bliss. Oh by the way I need to say this. God was a man - why is it that us women suffer from PMS and periods, if a male went through this you would never hear the end of it.

Where did that weekend go

Well the weekend has been and gone. Eating was difficult, the kitchen is in various stages of demolition and dust everywhere. Had a pasty on Saturday for lunch and it was bloody bliss, I have never enjoyed something so much. Yesterday I had Master A's 10th birthday so this Aunty headed up to Mt Osmond for Pizza and birthday cake, I at least turned down wine. The plan this week is to drink lots of water, try and be as organised as I can with food and not stress out. My beautiful father is painting and removing tiles so it has been nice to have one on one with him, Mum missing him so there has been numerous telephone calls to home. Dad this morning was talking to Vince the wonderdog, and said to him "Vince, come outside with Pop" - I don't have kids so he treated him like a kind of grand-dog. So the count down is on till Friday when the kitchen goes in, everything will need to be washed thorough and put back into the cupboards on Friday night. Then hopefully do a spring clean and then get back to my normal routine. Not much else to report, eating wasn't great on the weekend and I need to be really focused this week so that I don't gain considering TTOM is due soon. Be good girls and boys and speak later on. Martinexxx

Another 600 grams down - Bravo for consistency !!

Well today is weigh in day. As my home scales are not used, I try to base how I am going by the following;

1. My food intake (via tracker)
2. My water intake
3. My exercise intake
4. The amount of sugar foods/processed foods I eat
5. The rolls on my stomach (better than any tape measure)

Due to the fact that so much is happening in my life, not just with me but my parents and the new kitchen going in this week saw not as much exercise and probably a few days where I didn't eat enough or there was too long a time frame between eating. Normally I get on the scales and have no idea. Today another 600 grams went down. This year has seen huge changes in my weight loss journey. The firm hand of my leader at Christmas was a turning point, after spending 4 months mourning the loss of my other leader Don (who resigned) I struggled and used this as an excuse, Di who I know from one of my previous WW journeys was firm and strong. Basically she told me to focus.

This year has seen consistent losses, except the TTOM gain of 2.2 which I still don't understand One of my goals this year was consistent losses, they mentally give me confidence. I think the gym has been absolutely vital to the losses this year. I now realise that the walking wasnt enough, I have heard this before but now I am at the gym and working hard I realise I never sweated whilst walking. I go to the gym for the stress relief, it is a bonus it actually aids in weight loss.

Next WI sees TTOM due again, the plan this month is that for this next week to eat whole foods, try not to have any processed food - even Ham and drink lots of water. It may take a few months to work out how I can get through this time of the month without a gain. I am determined next week to have a 100gram loss and then I can officially get my Lorna Jane gym bag.

I go to WW at the Myer Centre (their lifestyle centres) as I have said numerous times before it allows me to talk about my issues, this week it was about TTOM and how I can now see the gym is helping. We also talked about how for me (I am fairly social) the gym is a friendly place where I know people and can say hello. Doing the bodyjam class (still am in shock I have done them) has allowed me not to be so scared of other classes. I want to try RPM as apparently it is great for burning those calories and I don't need to be co-ordinated. I still plan to do Bodyjam classes.

In March the gym is re-organising a new classes timetable, my friend and I are going to try and co-ordinate a class together - now that I am the brave one and not so terrified (well only a bit).

Today at my WI we also talked about how some weeks (like last and next) that time is not always available to go to the gym. My leader Di and fellow leader Lachlan (that is another story in itself) told me not to beat myself up if I can't get there, sometimes this happens and just to try and concentrate on the incidental exercise.

WW have a new pedometer, it is a motion pedometer and apparently is fabulous. It does the following:-.

recording accuracy - steps recorded during any exercise are more acurate. 3 intensity levels mode. Quite step detection - the digital technology discreetly tracks your steps taken. Step filter - the pedometer will only count steps after 5 continuous steps are taken. Motivational software - the pedometer counts down the steps and time required until you reach your next POINTS® bonus

So the plan is this week that even if I don't get to the gym that I try and focus on the incidental exercise. Once the Lorna Jane Bag challenge (hopefully next week) is achieved then I will focus on setting myself 10,000 steps at least 3 times a week to start off with.

Well, so overall I am pleased that the losses are consistent, it gives you confidence that what you are doing is right. The gym has allowed me not to concentrate on Weight Watchers or my food so intently and the fact I concentrate on the gym gives my life a better balance.

Lachlan the other leader told me today he lost 35kgs, he is a young spunk and pretty knowledgeable about fitness, so he will see me in 3 weeks time for my Weigh in when Di goes on leave. Anyway darling people, must go and get some sleep, Vince the wonderdog needs to be at the grooming salon at 8am.

Martine xx

Making myself the most important person

I was reading Bitch Cake's blog (http://msbitchcakes.blogspot.com) and some of her previous posts. On post in particular made reference to making yourself the most important person. It got me thinking, if I can't make myself No 1 who will? I need to do whatever I can to achieve this, I think doing what is right for me and not everyone else is a start. This week if making my life a bit easier by missing the gym a few nights in the next week -the world will not fall apart, at the moment having home organised is much more important, the reason for this is that if I don't do this my insomnia is worse than ever, my mind never switches off. The joys of being Virgo and last night I am sending off emails at 4am - still trying to get some quality sleep. Therefore, today I am exhausted. The food this week has been okay, if anything probably not having the 5 food groups enough but persevering till the kitchen goes in next Friday and my life becomes normal again. WI tomorrow, so see how we go. The joys of being on Weight Watchers is that I can cook for Dad and myself next week and still track what I eat and point it, ideal for someone that is trying to keep this journey a little secretive, just for the moment. Once the new kitchen arrives and is installed I plan to have a few dinner parties, so trying to search through various blogs, websites and my WW cookbooks for some good recipes. Dessert is another thing and No I wont due a fruit platter, make a mousse with evaporated milk or use Pavlova Shells. These are just too ordinary for this girl. At present to top off my busy life, work, gym, home, new kitchen etc I am now organising Mum's 70th, so will be spending lunch times ringing interstate and trying to work out venues etc. I love a bit of pressure, at least I have the outfit I want to wear as I got it on sale at Christmas and is my favourite brand TS. Vince the wonderdog is going to the boarding kennell next Thursday, my normal one is no longer doing boarding - it is a vet's surgery and they walk the dogs twice daily, so trying a new vet. I am reminding myself that Vince the wonderdog is a dog, he is not a child but a dog and Mummy can deal with this, it is easier whilst the kitchen is being installed and the insulation put in. He will be stressed and so will I. Note to self - "Martine, he is a dog". Must get back and do some work, will report in tomorrow after WI. Martine xx

I am time poor

Well this week isn't going to badly but I am time poor. The kitchen is going in next week and Dad is coming down Friday for a week to do stuff, I am so excited to have him to myself and Mum is staying home so she can just chill out. I think I will feel happier once next Friday has arrived and I am back to normal, plus getting insulation installed and trying to fit in with Dad being down - it is annoying when you live by yourself and work 9 to 5 and all tradesman etc work only 9 to 5. AHHHHHHH !! Have probably under eaten this week which I know is a bad thing but just haven't felt like it, plus last night and tonight not going to the gym as I have had things on, I feel slightly guilty but it is all about balance, sometimes I just need to do other things.

I actually feel quite anxious this week, I am hoping that once everything sorts itself out at home etc then I will feel better. St Valentines Day came and as previously posted I thought I would be depressed and was going to the gym, then at 9.15am a box of a dozen red roses was delivered - I nearly passed out ! They are from Michael and are just beautiful, I just wish the man would commit and tell me how he feels. It is so frustrating at times. Work is busy at present and so this has just added to things, but thankfully I love my job so that makes life easier. Must dash but just a quick post to let you know what happening in my world. Martine xxxx

Another 800 grams down

Well here we are again, weigh in day. The day has been frantic, I didnt drink enough water and I am hot. I am unsure if I am just hot because I am hot and that does come from being overweight or the fact that I am going through menopause. I hope it is not the latter.

I haven't weighed myself at home the last few weeks, mainly I have tried to allow myself to just focus on my food, water and exercise intake. You never know how you are going to go on the scales, usually my guide is my stomach - my very worst part of my body, if I lose the rolls change ! Yay for me 800 grams down so pleased with that. I feel that with the gym and what I am doing food wise 700 - 800 grams is pretty easily achieveable which I am happy with as anything over 500 grams for me is a good loss.

Overall this has given me the incentive to keep doing what I am doing, another loss next week is what I am after Went to the gym tonight after my WI and although I only did 1/2 my cardio it was a night i didnt necessarily need to go to the gym and being a Friday night I am usually flexible and not to tough on myself if I don't go. Going tomorrow morning at 7am (if I can get out of bed) and do my full cardio which is around 50 minutes now (with warmup) and then 40 minutes of weights.

This weekend having a pretty quiet one, tomorrow just need to go to the library and do some stuff around home before Dad arrives to paint.

Valentines Day I no doubt will be depressed so will try and get up and go to the gym early and that way it does put me mentally in the right frame of mind. I am blessed with a great circle of friends and like my mother my friends are so important, I remind myself that not everyone has this and not having a partner is not the end of the world. Saying that, I plan to get this weight off and allow myself to be more confident.

Did anyone see Biggest Loser tonight? What about Alison Braun ! I couldnt get over the difference and how thin she was 63 kgs - she looked so tiny on TV, the change was remarkable and it just makes me realise at times we all hide behind our weight.

This week socially is quiet (thank god !) other than dinner for Joey's birthday on Tuesday night it is pretty free, luckily I have looked at the menu for alternatives other than a warm chicken salad - I am so past them, I have had so many during this weight loss journey I can't stand the sight of them lol !! I have made the choice not to drink during the week, as much as I love a glass of good wine I am able to easily go out and say no to wine and sit on a sparkling mineral water easily, at least this is one vice I can handle.

Today on the way home I have been thinking about what it takes to lose weight - the more I discover what works the more I am aware that having the mental edge is everything. Mum has her 70th on 14/8/10 and Dad's 70th on 8/6/10 so both of these events are little goals for me to set myself.

I think the balance of food and exercise is working well, it allows me not to obsess about one or the other and allows my thought patterns to find a pattern.

So the week ahead I am focused on another 700 grams, I am happy with that and I am sure that this can easily be achieved. I don't need to lose 1.5 kgs a week but to be within the range of 500 grams to 1kg as recommended by WW is good for me. These losses of late are good for me in that they are consistent (other than that 2.2 kg gain a few weeks ago that I am at loss to know what it is about other than TOM but a huge amount).

The shops are now stocking Easter Eggs ! I refuse to look at them and tell myself over and over "they are poison" I just don't want to get the taste for them, luckily enough hot cross buns have been in the shops since Boxing Day but they don't rock my world !

My goal this week is water, water, water - I must remember to bloody drink the stuff. I just forget !

Martine xxxxx