Day 10 - Didn't eat my emotions

Hi girls Well, there is a bit to post today but will start where I finished off last night. Left work later than expected but had to meet Karen who wanted to give me something, it was all very mysterious, so we meet at McDonald's car park near where I live. I got there later than expected, and Karen was there to meet me and handed over Annette Sym's latest cookbook duly signed. For those living outside Australia, Annette Sym lost quite a bit of weight with Weight Watchers and I think from memory for a time might even been a leader. What she did was publish herself a low fat cookbook with the nutritional values on each recipe, including if you vary a major ingredient - for example it might say Pork and you swap it to Chicken, the nutritional panel will also say chicken. Anyway, they have been a run away success and this is book 7 I think. Karen works/worked with a lady who is Annette's best friend and got a copy signed for me as a gift. I was so so touched that someone other than myself thought of me for a change, instead of the other way around. Anyway, as I knew I wasn't going to get to the gym, I suggested a coffee, as McDonald''s was manic and there was a 20 minute wait for McCafe coffee's we declined but sat down and solved the world's problems. Got home and my aunt rang for a chat, then it was too late for the gym, so heated up a bowl of soup and tried to sleep. When I woke there was a message on facebook from an old boyfriend I dated in my very early twenties, I rang mum this morning, not that I am interested in this guy but it is lovely to think someone is flirting with me. Mum said "does he know about your weight?" to which I replied "trust me Mum, men aren't as obsessed with my weight as you are" to which she replied "Martine, you are wrong". I did advise her he saw me at Christmas. I consequently burst into tears after this but rang Karen as she does understand more than I will say on this blog. My issues with my body and self esteem come from constantly being hounded about my weight, I know I am overweight - I don't need to be a rocket scientist to understand that. I know she thinks she is helping, but my first thought was that I prove her wrong and not lose a pound. Of course, that was a thought for a micro second but I can imagine when I get to goal that I will be too thin. My darling friend Tania has for years advised me that I must address this, I agree but the thing is with my mother I will not win an argument. Weight issues are the only thing Mum and I argue about. To be honest today I was tempted to pig out, to eat a donut but talked myself through it and thought of myself and how much happier I will be thinner. I shudder to think what she will say if I lose the weight and then meet the bloke. Today for lunch I brought myself cold rolls which are low in points and extremely yummy as a treat and will go to the gym tonight even though it is the last thing that I can be bothered doing, I know that I will feel better for it. The tracking is going great guns and as I said to Karen last night, this is the last time I am doing this (ww that is), the next challenge will be maintenance. AND I BELIEVE IT. So today, even though I was upset, wanted to eat all and sundry but the thing is I didnt and that is a major step. All I need to do is focus on one day at a time. Ideally by Christmas if I could lose 10kgs by then I would be happy but as long as the scales are constantly going down that is the main thing. It is not a race. I am proud of myself today as I didnt eat.

Day 9 - On a Roll

Well, I have just come back from lunch, it is a such a nice day in Adelaide today, although I am tired and have no energy it is nice to get out in the fresh air. Adelaide has had a lot of rain this Winter, which although is absolutely needed because of the drought, it will be nice to have some sunshine. Today I thought I would have a Subway 6" sub with honey and mustard dressing. It was nice for a change, bumped into friend and leader Sharon and had a chat to her. One of the divine things about doing WW, this blog, and the WW Support Facebook Group is the support of people. I have had some just lovely and caring comments on my blog since its inception - to date the weight is the same but obviously now I am at the caring and sharing WW meeting at Mawson Lakes, I am feeling somewhat confident. People who have weight issues, even though they might be different people understand the effect it has. People like Penny from NZ - who always makes a lovely comment, Chris (aka diet coke) who always leave a lovely comment. When I see comments on my blog, you know - it just tickles my heart. I am lucky that I am a fairly open person, I might get self conscious or embarrassed but the WW online community I can be myself, I feel they all understand. Finished work late last night but got 30 minutes at the gym, will be building the time and intensity up. As I haven't been for about 6-8 weeks my fitness is almost no existent, but it won't take long to build up. At present when I am on the cardio machines, I am noting the levels, time and distance - ultimately I would like a heart rate monitor that I can download, it will be interesting to see how many calories I am burning, but that will be for a significant goal. With the gym, I don't hate it - actually I like it but as I am carrying extra weight I do get very very hot, my feet hurt and I am tired but I think what will be interesting is when the weight comes off, whether I can feel a difference, I am sincerely hoping that my feet improve. At present I feel very time poor, one of the reasons is that I am so bloody tired, so I get behind in things, then that makes the sleeping worse. My key to keeping me sane is being organised. One of the areas of improvement is the morning, not my best time. I have driven into work the past two months, purely as I am so exhausted, by 4.20am - I am still fluffing around trying to get to sleep. So, the plan I have of focusing on one day at a time is working. I have always been a believer in self-talk, the plan is to focus on one day and even one meal at a time. The days fly by and I remind myself that all those individual days add up, before I know it I will be at WW doing another weigh in - this week my period is due at weigh in, the focus is to keep being good and ensuring a loss because I really want that 4 losses in a row. I think my second goal might be gym orientated with a challenge/goal of doing 1 gym class a week - whether it be yoga, zumba, pump - that way I face my fear. I did last night manage to have a good chat (now girls I love a good chat) with the instructor that does Zumba, luckily I know her as she instructed me when I did bodyjam - that still makes me shake with fear as I needed to be too co-ordinated. We had a discussion and she suggested I come to the 6.30pm Friday night session, I might just so that. I have a fellow friend and weight loss buddy, she has done significantly well with her weight loss through pure hard work, she trains a lot with a persona trainer, but I sit back and notice the various stages she goes through, at one stage she was very scared of classes, now she attends them and even the dreaded RPM classes with gusto and I sit back and smile and feeling saying to her "look how far you have come" but I want to be able to say that to myself. At present I feel in a good spot, I am slightly depressed at present but it seems the whole world is feeling this way, but what I know, is with work, determination and tracking my heart out I can secure a loss this week and with every week and kilogram that my weight goes down, not only will my physical health improve, but my mental health will as well.

Day 8 - Everything going well

Well, yesterday was my first weigh in at the WW meeting at Mawson Lakes. I must admit that I had no idea how I would go, as posted last night I am pleased to report a 2kg loss (only 49.5 to go) - not that I am worrying about that. I got to the meeting, pleased to say I didnt get lost and meet up with Karen and Jo S who was transferring from another meeting. Jo S is one of my online girls from a closed facebook group with WW Members. She has done swimmingly and lost 27kgs and due to a back issue had gained some weight but 27 kgs is a great effort - she wanted to join our merry group. So at our meeting we have Tina, Tania, Sandy, Jo S, Karen and myself - it is great to have that support and the meeting is a social thing for me. Upon arriving at my meeting, my leader Tina came up to me with a smiley face and hello - that is my type of person and checked how I went after I weighed in. All set to focus on the 2nd week and the next 7 days. We go for a coffee after the meeting and solve the world's problems, always nice. I am at Day 8 of going without sugar in my coffee, it is getting easier and think my plan of going cold turkey has been the way to go. The thing is, baby steps and remembering it is not a race. Tonight off to the gym, havent decided whether to do weights/cardio or Zumba, it depends on how I go. There is a Zumba class on a Friday night so may make that a regular thing. Exercise does not rock my boat, but it does make me feel happier when I finish. This week's topic is Lunch: At the meeting we discussed lunches and the various options you can have. I am luckily lunch isn't a thing I stress out on too much, but admit to pre-WW days or when I am off the plan that the odd Muffin/Donut used to pop into my mouth. The normal routine for me is either a sandwich or wrap, a salad and sometimes I make a salad of rice/couscous with some protein and divide it into my containers and just take one out of the fridge. Each Wednesday I meet my best friend, so that is normally a coffee and sandwich. So, week 1 has gone and working towards Week 2 weigh in. My period is due in 9 days so this week the plan is to be extra good and eat non processed food, I rarely eat processed food anyway, ensure I have lots of exercise and drink my water so that next week there is a loss of some description, the following week will also be the same as sometimes I lose just before my period and gain the following week. After all my goal is 4 losses in a row and I want that new gym bag I previously have refused to buy it until I have had 4 losses. Tina the leader has also mentioned a challenge which is going to happen, something along the lines of losses in a row and Christmas, I like the idea of setting yourself a personal challenge of say 4 losses, rather than 5kgs as at present, a success is consistent losses. After a while I will change it around and do a certain amount of losses, perhaps a weight one and then a exercise challenge. So, it is a very long road, I just have to focus on 1 day at a time. The key I think is to keep focused and the mindset strong and as well to run my own race.

Week 1 Weigh in Results

Just a quickie post - wow 2nd for the day. Went to Mawson Lakes with the lovely Tina, Karen, Sandy and Jo with the gorgeous Tania at home ill and lost 2kgs. Thrilled, now to work on Week 2 (days 7 to 14). Post tomorrow.

Day 7 - 1 week done

Well where did that week go, today is my first weigh in at Mawson Lakes Weight Watchers. Have no idea how I have gone, it is one of those things I have learned over the years, is that the body and scales have minds of their own. I am pleased with how I have gone and am pleased I have refrained from sugar in the coffee, a hard thing to tackle for me but one I am sure I will achieve plus have not binged eaten at all - so as far as successes go, I count this week as one. I was asked by my friend Karen if I was excited today about weigh in, I can't say I am but nervous. The week has been a success for me but I do get afraid my good work will not pay off on the scales. I am aware not to go gung ho and get too over the top in the early weeks, it is a long journey and I estimate at least 2 years to goal, of not more and it is baby steps. One week of good eating and I notice a very slight increase in the energy levels. Last night finished work and then went to the gym as I havent been for at least 6 weeks. of course my fitness decreased immensely and then it is a matter of simply building up again, it is not a thing I enjoy but I do enjoy the feeling afterwards. I didn't have my ipod with me, so that doesn't help. I notice I get quite hot, that is the combo of exercise and carrying 51 kgs of weight. Got home and had a quick bite to eat and then the ironing, before I knew it the time was 10pm and time for bed - not that I slept. Honest to god, if I could just sleep my life would be much improved. I am hoping once the weight comes off, my mind slows down a bit and that a side effect of the weight loss will be a better improved sleep, and of course no pain in the feet. Money is far too tight at present, once things get under control I will organise those orthotics, at present they have to wait. Will post an entry tonight re the loss. Have a good day

Day 5 to 6 - the joys of midnight eating

Hi everyone. Well where did that weekend go?. All going reasonably well with eating, having a few dramas with eating after midnight when I can't sleep, but any food I eat is pointed and tracked and I am working on it. I must remember to clean my teeth when I am hungry, believe it or not it helps. Sunday had to head to West Lakes to replace a bowl, as I broke my beautiful green bowl that my best friend brought me for my recent birthday. I cried for hours and rung her to confess. Why I am so sad and distressed was she was the only person that put any thought into my present and if it wasn't for her, the birthday would have been worse than it already was. That is why friends are the family we choose for ourselves. Got the bowl, stopped for a coffee - again with out sugar - YAY FOR ME. Saturday arvo and Sunday was spent cleaning, washing and sorting stuff out. I am not sure how I am going to go at weigh in tomorrow night - you never know. Tonight back at the gym for a cardio workout, tomorrow is WW so will miss that and if I get some energy the Zumba class and weights on Wednesday night. Overall, things not going too badly. Made an Italian Chicken recipe in the slow cooker, as I am at the gym after work, as it will be cooking for too long. So what I have done is set it to cook overnight and in the morning I just have to cool it down and put in the fridge/freezer. Will do the same tonight with this Moroccan Casserole which I will put in the freezer with the Italian Chicken and then reheat on the nights where I am rushed. Feeling a bit flat today, but then again it is Monday. Have a good week, I will report in tomorrow evening. Hopefully with a loss.

Day 4 and all going well

You know, the difference in my mental state when I am doing well with my food choices is remarkable. A lesson learned I suppose. It is 4pm and I should be hanging that washing out. This morning got up and went and got my hair done, my hairdresser has sold her shop to be a sale rep for a hair company and luckily there is 10 of us that she is doing our hair at home. THANK GOD. So got dressed and headed up to Kelly's. I am wanting my hair cut, so we have made a deal -10 kgs and I can cut it. Explained my going to Mawson Lakes, she nearly died of shock that I was travelling that distance but the thing is, it doesn't worry me as I am going with my dear friends and that is such a wonderful thing, makes a huge difference. Finished the hair colour and cut and headed for a brunch/lunch which I had a skim latte, again no sugar (the no sugar in the coffee is going well) and an egg and bacon sandwich with no butter on multigrain bread. A Saturday morning tradition for me and keeps me satisfied whilst I am running around. Whilst eating I planned my food for the week and a couple of new recipes from an old WW Cookbook I dragged off the shelf. I did the grocery shopping, with list in hand and was aware of the sugar in foods and how I was trying to avoid it, although I can't come to natural yoghurt and will still have my yoghurt I normally have which is from the Yoghurt Shop and their skinny version made up as I refuse to have artificial sweeteners due to my sleeping. What was good was I stopped at the bar section- you know the WW Bar, muesli and fruit bars and thought NO as I know that I will not be able to stop at 1, it would be one box, so I thought of the savory options I could have and brought some rice crackers and salsa to take to work and some crumpets. So far so good, but this is only Week 1 and Day 4 - so I think it is reasonable to expect me to be quite good this week, if after week 10, I am still focused and there is a shift in the weight - then I will be happy. Plan to watch my favourite footy team play on the TV tonight and tomorrow will stay home and do some household stuff and some cooking for the freezer so that when I come home from the gym next week, I can just reheat something or make a quick meal. Tonight's dinner is a very basic meal, chicken and roast vegies with gravy - but something I love and will have my favorite yoghurt afterwards. Anyway, glad to report that the scales are still in the shed and I haven't got them out, hopefully the food intake will keep me focused. Really decided that I need to be a bit selfish if I am to succeed in the journey, chatting to my hairdresser today I am a type of person that puts everyone before me, family, friends, work - it is time that I started putting myself as no.1. The plan is to focus on me and only me, if others don't like it then stiff ! Unfortunately, Vince the wonderdog can't do the housework which is still sitting there to be done. Have a good weekend.

Days 2-3 (Thursday to Friday)

Hi everyone,

Sorry I didnt post yesterday, was decidedly under the weather and wasn't feeling the best. So far so good with all things weight loss. Wednesday morning (day 1) as I said before I woke up and the day went quite smoothly. Thursday meet Dee (dazydee from the WW site) who gave me my tupperware and we had lunch at a great vegetarian cafe and chatted about all things WW. Last night grazed for dinner, wasn't well the entire day so an early night was what happened - although the insomnia didnt want me to sleep.

Woke up today, feeling a bit better but not great. At least in Adelaide the sun is shining and we do not have rain or wind. This winter has been particularly wet but at least our reserviors are full and hopefully they can ease off a bit with the water restrictions. Plan to go home tonight and work out my menu for the week so tomorrow I can go out and get some groceries, the cupboard is bare. Plan to make Saturday evenings a night where I try a new recipe and cook a dessert. Most of the time I am home saturday nights, it is a night where I struggle and I suppose being alone and single is not easy, so if I can make the most of the night then that would be good. Although this pay period is shocking so planning on looking for some cheaper meals to make. So far so good, the scales at home are in the shed and I have on inclination to even look at them. I want this weight loss attitude to be fairly relaxed, after all it is a long road. Will go to the gym on the weekend, I personally feel that you don't need to live and breathe the gym and do triple classes, of course exercise is important and helps with the weight loss but then so does food. Hope you all have a great day. I have attached two photos of the world's best dog, my best friend and the person who loves me at 122.5 kgs or 68 kgs - Vincenzo Christopher Dally aka Vince. So absolutely handsome

Day 1 started

Well girls, last night I drove the long drive to my WW meeting. Meet my darling friend half way and she directed me to where I should be going. We meet at the entrance to the drive in and took each other's before photo which was a front and side photo. I was obsessed about doing this all day, not sure why and so it was important for me. The face on photo is not good, but brilliant compared to the side photo (will post them later on). What is good that it is on the iphone and I plan to look at that photo when I feel the urge to stray and eat I went to the meeting hand in hand with Karen. We both were a bit emotional for different reasons, meet Tina (leader) who was brilliant, joined up and weighed. On the way in the car, I kept thinking I can do this, please do not let me be over 120kgs. Got on the scales, 122.5 and so over the last month or so I have gained around 6kgs. So I sat down and waited for my friend to be weighed and then dear friends Tania and Tina arrived - thank god for those beautiful girls. I really felt at home. Tania and Tina meet for a quick coffee aftewards, Karen and myself waited back and had a chat to Tina the leader and discuss the program. You see around 12 months ago I had Tina's husband Don as my leader, had the mindset happening and had no doubt that I would have got to goal with him, I had lost my way ever since he resigned from Weight Watchers. So purged this feeling to my leader. She initially for this week only set us both on 22 points. Karen is normally on 25 points and myself on 24 points. She said that we should bounce of each other and keep each other's graph of weight loss on each other's pantry to inspire us. We both purged and let out how we were feeling, mine have been documented before and dear Karen for very personal reasons I won't put on this blog. There were tears shed. Meet Tina and Tania for a coffee, Karen kindly brought me a coffee (skim cap of course) and I went cold turkey and said no sugar. You know girls, I drank that damn coffee and didnt find it too bad. I drove home which was quite a distance and really had time to think, shed a few tears and really was so driven by the time I got home. I walked into the house, turned the TV on, gave Vince the wonderdog a huge cuddle as he hadn't seen me all day and was in overdrive for a cuddle and stripped off and measured myself. Will do the measurements again tonight to ensure they are accurate. I went to bed with a feeling of the line had been written in the sand, it was time to focus on what needs to be done remembering this is not a race but baby steps and even 1 hour at a time if need be. Hardly slept at all and tossed and turned all night which drives me absolutely around the damn bend. Had breakfast and planned my day's eating. Unfortunately I am going to a friend's for dinner tonight so will take mineral water and have left more than enough points for that. This morning, normally I stop before work and have 1 smallish latte and a medium one to take away, both with 2 sugars. This morning I had my smallish latte and again had no sugar and it was drinkable and not as bad as I thought, I didnt have the additional latte like I normally do. So day 1 underway, water bottle on desk and focusing on getting through today, tomorrow I will focus on getting through tomorrow.

Today is the day

I got home late last night, ate some chocolate and laid on the lounge with no energy. That my loves is the last time. One of the things over the last 6 weeks, that is the last 6 weeks where my eating has been awful is the side effects of all the sugar in my diet. I have the following;-

• Lethargy
• Tiredness
• Nausea
• Sore Feet
• No taste buds
• Itchy skin

This is all as a result of bad eating. Yesterday I brought the 2nd book in the Sweet Poison books, which is a simpler read and goes through various topics. One of the topics is foods, David Gillespe goes into is various foods - yoghurt, breakfast cereals etc. With yoghurts the only acceptable one is natural yoghurt. I think, and I could be wrong, they are not recommending artificial sweetners either. I am not a fan of artificial sweetners, I believe they are not good for our system and get us used to eating sweeter foods, I personally believe that the introduction of Equal sweetner years ago has a connection with my insomnia. So the theory is whole foods. My buddy Karen who was joining with me has pulled out, her dog is seriously ill - so going and meeting Tania and Tina. I know this is the beginning of good things with effort on my part and concentrating on the mindset above all else, if the mindset is strong then everything else will fall into place. I have dinner at a girlfriends tomorrow night, hopefully it is nothing horrendously high in points but will have a light lunch of a salad sandwich and hopefully there is not too much damage done. I have set myself a month of really focusing on this, getting the routines down and being organised. I am hoping in 4 weeks time I can report the energy levels have increased, in conjunction with the gym which has been absent the last 3 weeks, I should be feeling better. Normally they say 4-6 weeks so if I can see improvement then I will be happy. The fact at present, I am so tired and could lay down at my desk and sleep, is seriously bad. My bad eating equals bad sleeping, so I am hoping even in a week of good eating, tracking, drinking water, exercising and focusing on strengthening my mindset that I will be a happier version of myself. As I said before, I am not always going to reward myself at say 5kg goals. My first goal is to join, that is done and a new lipstick will be brought. Second goal is 4 consecutive losses in a row and that will be a new Lorna Jane gym back or the pink Nike one I saw yesterday. I am starting at size 20-22. The plan is to get to a size 14. This can be done with support of my two friends, effort and focus.

Thank god tomorrow is WW day

Well the weekend has been and gone and it is Monday AGAIN. The weekend of course went far too quickly, the eating so so. Saturday fluffed around and went up to Marion Shopping Centre and had a coffee with best friend Joanne and her great husband and came home and did stuff around the house. Sunday, which was father's day had a girfriend over for a meal as my beautiful father lives interstate and so at 8pm last night I am ironing. I plan to make next weekend a stay at home weekend, other than hair and nails on SAT morning and of course the gym, to stay at home and get some jobs done. Cupboards need a bit of a tidy up and some things thrown out. I am relieved to say that tomorrow I am going to my new Weight Watchers Meeting, time to get serious. It is just a huge weight off my shoulders, to think that I am going with darling and treasured friends Tania, Tina and Karen and so will get the support I need, plus I know the leader is a good one. So tonight, as it is bin night, I will throw any crap out of my cupboards and into the bin. The plan is to make Weight Watchers enjoyable, I do enjoy cooking so find the planning etc and routine of it quite therapeutic and so tonight I am taking measurements in preparation. The reading of Sweet Poison is going slow, it is quite intense and technical but have come along a section regarding seratonin (which helps you sleep) and sugar. As you know my sleeping is really quite seriously bad, once the insomnia started the weight increased. I have no doubt they are interconnected and so I was a tad excited. The plan for the next week is to just focus on the WW basics, get into the rythmn and do babysteps. I have no doubt I will be 120kg's but that is fine, the line will be written in the sand. I am pleased with my decision, a nice new book is always good to write down your loss. So girls, I am starting to get my head into gear, I do realise that for my well being and mental health, I need and want to do this. Will report in on Tuesday night after my meeting.

Brought the book

Well it is Friday, what can I say but "thank you god !". Woke up at 7.55am this morning - should be on the road by that time. My sleeping is shocking at present. Last night went to Target on the way home, actually did go shopping but it was because I wanted a Scone with Jam and Cream and a coffee. Went into Target and they had this great mirror which I brought (with my birthday voucher money) and saw the Sugar Poison book out, thought I will buy it. So did that and took it home and will start to read it on the weekend after I have done the housework. Looking forward to Tuesday, it is basically a relief to know that I am about to start feeling somewhat better and just get back into the routine, I plan to try and be as clean as possible with my eating. Many many moons ago Weight Watchers had a program called Core which was basically whole foods and no processed foods, I know when I have followed this previously that I am not hungry and do not suffer from binges or cravings and of course the energy levels have increased. I suppose when you eat badly you can feel it in your body, with me the energy levels are none existent and it is a side effect of putting all that crap in your body. So, for me it is just planning and organising. Of course with this lack of energy the stuff around the house does not get done, that causes me more stress so plan to get all the jobs at home done, stock the fridge and freezer and be ready for Tuesday at 6.30pm. The road ahead needs me to be a bit selfish, why is it that we think it is a crime to put ourselves first? So that is what I am doing, putting myself first.

The demon sugar !

There has been a lot of posts on facebook recently regarding sugar and in particular a book called "Sweet poison" which I am yet to read but something I do find intriguing. You see when I go on a binge, it is not for savoury things but sugar. For example, last night I ate and ate and ate. 6 donuts, a serve of indian, a 3 seasame snaps and a big block of Turkish delight chocolate. My taste buds are now non existent. We seem to concentrate on fats but really we need to look at the sugars. The more sugar you have, the mores sugar you need. This is something I have become more and more aware of over the last few years. Of course all this eating sugar is not good for us, makes me gain weightt in the middle and overall not good, with the rise of diabetes and the risks of being overweight have as far as getting diabetes I realised last night what needs to be done. Sometimes we need to fall hard to realise what needs to be done. For me, weight loss is not just about the lovely clothes, being a size 12 or even having men chase after me (well that would be good) but it is about confidence and happiness and that mental edge. The more sugar and weight gain I have the more my insomia plays up. For example, the last few weeks with me not following any food plan at all my energy levels are low, at any point I could sleep for hours and this is all the effect of bad eating and sugar. Today I read a great blog http://msbitchcakes.blogspot.com. I always check out Bitchcake's blog, the fact she is so individual with her look and lives in New York she does at times have some pearls of wisdom. Her topic of activity was an eye opener to me. So overall, the position I am in at present is that fact that the food I am eating is making me ill, letheragic and depressed. The answer is simple my friends. Change your life. Somehow I feel that I am on the right path, the support of friends and a good meeting with a leader I know is great, although my leader I had Di is great, I am not in love with the meetings. Saying all this, you can have the greatest meeting, the fabulous friends and the best leader and still fail, you have to draw strength from yourself, get that mental discipline happening and overall realise that you need to be selfish in order to achieve your dreams. In one way, it is a relief to be able to say that from Tuesday my eating will improve, of course the withdrawal of sugar is hard but I am going to set little babystep goals and not weight related. First goal - Join on Tuesday and Second Goal is to have 4 losses in a row. Quite doeable.

Well it has been decided

The last few weeks have been an absolute shocker. My only consolation is my dear friends and acquaitances are in a similar situation - I am sure it is winter that is doing it. As I previously posted, I was contemplating going to a new meeting with my girls Tina and Tania. I have thought about it long and hard, got a lovely email from Tania who despite her own issues at present, made me decide. With going to a new meeting one of the negatives is that it is a way to travel, but as Tania said, I think it is worth it. I have decided to go next Tuesday to Mawson Lakes with Tania and Tina and my friend Karen is contemplating going. I know the leader is great, apparently the class is great and interactive, I get support from 2 friends and possibly a third. It comes an event and not just a WW Meeting, plus we have a skinny latte after. I have decided basically, if I want my life to change - then I need to do it. I can't keep going on and on about the same stuff, complaining I am unhappy, fat, have sore feet etc if I fail to act upon it. There is no crime in being selfish. I can set my interim goal again to the 4 consecutive losses and then get my Lorna Jane bag. I suppose I have just realised that it comes down to me, we all know that, but at the end of the day I need to get my mindset in gear. I am lucky my friends Tania and Tina are wonderful, kind and considerate girls that I know will be there for me. I find I need the support of like minded people, what I mean is people that have previously or are undergoing weight loss issues that understand my pain. I would like to think that Mawson Lakes would be source of inspiration. I would like to star this journey on the right foot, in that my measurement will be taken shortly, a photo (I have that horrid one I posted the other day) as my before and think I need to mentally prepare myself. I suppose it is like a drug addict in a way, I need to do this for myself and after all, no one can do it for me. I want to be the best person I can be, instead of feeling ashamed all the time. I want to be organised at home, this weekend is preparation Weight Watchers. I have a friend over for lunch on Father's Day (my date lives interstate) and want to stock the freezer etc and be organised, if I am organised with the house, everything else falls into place. I am luck the gym is sorted so that is not something I need to worry about.

Another bloody birthday !

Well, the diet is out the window and I am depressed, they are linked. Friday night I went out to dinner at a Thai Restaurant which was lovely. Went with the WW online girls namely Melissa (from Sydney), Amanda, Jo S, Tina L, and myself. I got the serious doldrums when I posted the photo (see previous blog entry) and knew that if I went out to dinner the girls would be supportive and helpful. These girls I meet online and are part of the WW Support Group facebook page, they have become friends and we see each other a few times a year in person. Melissa had lost 32 ish kilograms and so I picked her brain about everything, she exercises a lot so she advised me that she eats a lot of her exercise points, she has that mental strength now and I so admire anyone that is in the zone. The other girls, god bless them, have had their struggles like me, I came out of the dinner in a better state of mind. The photo rocked me as I thought I looked great. Saturday rang out and got jobs done, had the nails done and nursed a 5 week old baby for 2 hours at my nail salon. The mother of the baby is suffering PND and so my nail lady is helping out. It was lovely. Sunday was the birthday, woke in tears and went to bed in tears. Had lunch with my best friend Joanne who always always puts such thought into her present and we had a long lesuirely lunch and then over to see the niece and nephews. It wasnt the best birthday, I am glad it is over. A lot if it becomes down to the big three - being fat - it doesn't matter how well groomed I am, being single and wanting children. I define my life by these three. What I learnt yesterday is friends like my best mate Joanne Galpin will always be there and be my rock and in my corner Back to Friday night, whilst at dinner my dear friend Tina had said she and Tania (who was unfortunately sick and unable to attend) thought i had been struggling because i had not been posting etc. How right they are. They made a suggestion, that I come to their meeting and we can support each other. Although it is out my way, I can bring the car into work on a Tuesday and drive to Mawson Lakes (15 minutes from work) and on the way home it is around 35 -40 minutes, somehow I think it will be worth it. The boss has left for Paris today, so this week I intend to get back into the swing of things with the gym, although tonight I want to go home and organise myself for the week. This time of year and the wet and cold Winter we have had, always gets everyone down. I suppose I just need to work out what I want, if I want to change my life, then I have to do it. At present I am wanting to spend more and more time at home, very unlike me and I suppose that is because I am feeling somewhat down and feeling like a fat balloon. Those that know me, know that I put effort into my appearance but how I feel inside is now starting to effect me. I might do a drive out to Mawson Lakes and see how long it takes etc. Take care everyone.

Why I need to get serious ! Picture says it all

This photo was taken on 14/8/10 at Mum's 70th. Have been missing as I have had a few weekend away and working, thus eating shockingly. Going to Weigh in tomorrow and need to get serious. The boss is away for a month, so will be able to post a bit more regularly. Look at the stomach ! Yikes.............

Thursday update

Well, I did a mighty workout on Wednesday, my normal weights program – quite tough but will get there, plus my cardio. I went even though I was utterly exhausted. Sleep didn’t happen last night, the gym certainly does not help the insomnia. Today’s eating hasn’t been as spot on as the other days, but I am still going to the gym tonight but will have an early night if I can. Thursday I was tired and out of sorts. My eating wasn’t great on Thursday – this is what happens when I am tired. I didn’t go to the gym last night, I found t hat I needed sleep more. As much as I adore the gym, during the week it is work, gym and sleep. Nothing gets done and I find that by the weekend the house is a bit ratty and needs a bit of TLC. Not much else to report really, a girl from Weight Watchers Lifestyle Centres who hadn’t seen me at the gym for a while commented on my face and how I had lost weight in it, I said when I get to goal weight what I will show people is perseverance. Weigh in tomorrow, hopefully a good result. Will report in tomorrow. .

4-8-10 update

Well, it is raining and absolutely freezing cold in Adelaide today. Quite frankly it is ridiculous that I have to work ! J. I could quite easily spend the day in bed with the electric blanket on and cuddled up to Vince the wonderdog and he gazing at me like I am the best person he has ever seen. It is a lovefest with Vince and I – that little doggie makes my life complete and gives me unconditional love. Now if I could only find a man that loves me that much.

My Aunt had her dog put down yesterday. Dear Max was 15 years old and suffering all types of illnesses, it is so hard to be of comfort when you are crying yourself. I wasn’t a very good support person. I did remind her that he is in a much better place with all our relatives (both from the doggie world and human world).

Went for a walk with my friend Gill for 60 minutes. My feet today are killing me today, when I walk for that long and that hard I find my hip, inner thigh just ache and the feet unbearable – all signs that I must get my act into gear and get those bloody orthotics plus another absolute reason why I need to shed this weight once and for all. My friend Kazz has just got orthotics and they have made a huge difference to her. So must get to my health provider and find out how much the gap is going to be and just organise them instead of talking about it.

So far this week the exercise is good, so pleased with that and the routine I have with exercise, as a matter of course I go to the gym after work and on Tuesday I walk with Gill for 60 minutes.

Food wise, all is well and tracking every morsel of food that passes my lips. Certainly it is good to feel that you are doing well, it doesn’t take much to get back into the routine of good eating – sometimes I feel that when things are in place with food and exercise then everything else in my life is okay as well.

Off to the gym tonight, an experiment with doing my full 45 minutes of cardio and 15 minutes of weight at an increased level.

Hope everyone is having a successful week as well. I am sure that I have done everything okay this week, the scales will make up their own mind when I get on them, a good week doesn’t always reflect on the scales, so fingers crossed.

Another great day in my world !!!!

Well, yesterday I went to the gym and did my new weights program, half the time of the other one but I did feel those muscle working. I must admit attending the gym does make me mentally so much better. Not much happening really, today has been a quiet day, I have really been good with the tracking, and having excellent food days always makes me feel happier. The only area of improvement really is the water. Tonight I walk with my friend Gill for an hour, we walk along the esplanade at the beach and it is good to get the fresh air into your lungs. Although I am doing well with the exercise, the world’s best dog Vincenzo hasn’t been walked for ages – I feel a tad guilty so am trying to get up early and walk him even for 15 minutes. So overall excellent on all fronts. I thought I had defrosted lentil soup for lunch but unfortunately defrosted a lentil/mince type WW recipe – although it was marked Lentil, so taking that home for dinner with some vegies. Once you are back on track, it is amazing how good you feel. I think only gaining 300 grams has really inspired me, the fact that I obviously was doing something right is a miracle. The plan is for the next 4 weeks (in conjunction with our WW class goal of 2kgs over the next 4 weeks) is to once and for all get that bloody Lorna Jane gym bag. Report in tomorrow.

Weigh in results and reasonably happy

Well, I finally got to my regular WW meeting. It had been some 3 weeks since I last went all because of the foot/stitches fiasco. As I had admitted in the last blog, I had eaten the wrong foods, mainly sugar related and accordingly I expected a bad result with a gain of 1kg to 2kg. Also with my period also due on the day of weigh in, I wasn’t expecting great things. To my surprise only a gain of 300 grams which is nothing really and with my period due I was surprised. So I was quite pleased with myself and the process of weighing in at my meeting is so motivating. So what I thought was a large hiccup is only a slight one and this is only my first gain.

Have had my weights program at the gym re-worked and quite different from my last one, so hopefully it works well.

I can’t find my measurements on my computer at home so going to have to start again but will put them at the back of my gym book.

Not much else to report really, all good and really I am happy to say back in the groove, gym tonight and home for a nice steak and vegies.

The focus this week is to track, exercise and drink my water, I am hoping for a reasonably good loss this week. Our leader has set us a challenge to lose 2kgs in the next four weeks – absolutely doeable.

I have a personal belief that it doesn't matter what you are doing, if you can try and be positive then positive things happen. Went today into my favourite shop TS14 as they are having an unbelievable sale, the sales assistant told me that I made her day, the fact I looked bright (wearing pink and pink patterned pashmina) and I always look happy. I told her that looks can be deceiving but I felt good that someone bothered to say something nice to me. Overall doing really well, I am realistic that weight loss takes time, effort and a good deal of mental strength, I am not worried how much I lose each week, as long as I lose.